Episode 287 — Choose PEACE
Date: December 25, 2025
Episode Overview
Parents often believe peace is something that comes after things improve — after behaviors settle, after progress shows up, after life feels more manageable. In this solo episode, Len explains why peace must come first, and how choosing peace changes the way parents respond, decide, and lead.
You’ll Discover
Why Peace Is A Choice — Not A Circumstance (1:30)
How To Respond Without Overreacting Or Shutting Down (4:30)
Why Wants Create Peace — And Expectations Destroy It (6:55)
How Returning To Stillness Strengthens Your Leadership (8:45)
Referenced in This Episode
Full Transcript
Len [00:00:00]:
Welcome to the show. It's Len. And I'm recording during the holiday season. And that matters not because of the date, but because this time of year tends to bring everything to the surface at once. There's beauty, there's connection, but there's also chaos, pressure, grief, comparisons and exhaustion, just to name a few. And for those of us raising a child with challenges, that contrast can feel especially intense. The world can look calm and festive on the outside, while inside you may be carrying a lot that no one sees. And I know that feeling very, very well.
Len [00:00:45]:
And that's why I chose the topic for this week. The topic is peace. And I didn't choose it because inner peace is easy. I chose it because peace is needed now more than ever and because it's actually available to you right now. And you may be listening to this and thinking that peace isn't even something right now that you're aiming for, may not even be on your radar, and that there's likely much more pressing wants that you're having, things that you want to change. So this isn't meant to be preachy. Just consider it an invitation. Because when peace isn't the main objective or even in your top 10, something else quietly becomes the default.
Len [00:01:36]:
And it's usually a sense of urgency, fear, or constant tension. And over time, that takes a massive, massive toll on you and on your child. And here's something I definitely had to learn the hard way. Peace is not something that your child gives you, it's not something that your spouse can give you, and it's definitely not something that circumstances will allow or deny for you. Peace is something that you generate. And I did not understand this early on. I genuinely thought that my emotional state was 100% dependent on how my son was doing. If he was dysregulated, I felt dysregulated.
Len [00:02:31]:
And if he was calm and happy, so was I. So if he had a great day, I did, too. But if things went sideways or worse, I carried that frustration to bed and I was completely spent. So I felt like peace just wasn't really possible and that someone or something could derail it at any time. But that really wasn't true. And I learned something really, really important. And it took me, again, it took me years to truly get this. When I was angry, it wasn't because someone made me angry, although I felt that was definitely the case.
Len [00:03:14]:
It was because somewhere along the way, I was choosing anger. And I definitely didn't do it consciously or deliberately, But I've learned that I was still in those moments, choosing it. And I came to realize that saying that someone made me angry, upset, or frustrated was absolute nonsense. They don't have that kind of power. And just like I can't make someone else feel anything because they get to choose. And so it may feel automatic, but there's always what Viktor Frankl called the space between. And his actual quote in man's search for meaning is between stimulus and response. There is a space between.
Len [00:04:02]:
And in that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. And peace works the same way. No one can make you peaceful. You choose peace. And that's the good news. And even more good news is that nobody can take peace away from you either. So here's what changed everything for me.
Len [00:04:32]:
Peace isn't about staying calm all the time. And it's not about suppressing your reactions. It's about responding appropriately to what's happening and then returning to stillness, returning to a regulated, calm state of inner peace. And most parents don't struggle because they care too little. They struggle because they never get back to center. And here's a way to think about this that really helped me. Imagine your mind is like a still pond. When something happens, a behavior, a meltdown, a hard moment, it's like a rock gets thrown into the water and the water moves, ripples spread, and that's normal, that's expected.
Len [00:05:21]:
And a small issue creates small ripples, and a big issue creates bigger ripples. But here's the key. Water always responds appropriately. It never overreacts, and it never underreacts either. So the goal is to be like water, to respond appropriately and then return to stillness. And a calm, regulated mind isn't one that never gets disturbed or disrupted. It's one that knows how to reset peace. The sense of peace I'm talking about isn't about preventing the rocks.
Len [00:05:59]:
It's about your ability to come back to center after the impact. Because as parents, we have to be able to withstand whatever comes our way. Because your child's definitely going to throw rocks into that pond, and some days they'll throw boulders. And your role isn't to stop that. Your role is to stay present, regulated, and calm, and then decide what to do next. And your child definitely doesn't need your perfection, and they don't need constant fixing. The thing they need most is your steadiness. Just right now, maybe take a moment, bring your attention to.
Len [00:06:40]:
To what you want for your child, and maybe it's related to their behavior or their communication. Or their social engagement, whatever it might be. Take a moment and think about it. And as you've thought about what you're wanting, I always encourage parents to have big wants for their child. Don't hold back, don't settle for less in terms of what you want. But I do caution parents against turning those wants into expectations. Because an expectation says, this has to happen or I'm going to fall apart. And that's why wants are flexible, expectations are rigid, and peace lives in wants, not expectations.
Len [00:07:34]:
So you can want growth for your child without demanding timelines, and you can want healing without tying your emotional stability to some outcome. And that's where acceptance plays a huge role here. And acceptance doesn't mean giving up in any way. It just means telling the truth about what is. Accepting your child where they are right now, accepting where you are right now, and accepting the role, this once in a lifetime role that you've been given. So acceptance ends the internal war with reality. And for me, this also means acknowledging that there is a far more powerful force at work that I can't fully understand or control. I may not comprehend it, but I can cooperate with it.
Len [00:08:35]:
And from that place, peace becomes possible. In all practicality, peace doesn't mean that you suddenly feel calm all day, all the time. Peace may only be available in small moments when your child is sleeping, or if you're on a walk or in prayer, in some form of stillness. And that counts. Over time, you can learn how to steal moments of peace throughout the day. Just a pause or a breath before you respond to something that somebody just did, creating that space to respond instead of reacting, and then a conscious return back to center. And I know firsthand this is possible even during the hardest seasons. So know this, that peace is trained and practiced, and it's built in micro moments.
Len [00:09:32]:
But peace is definitely not passivity, it's not weakness, and it's not giving up. Peace is strength of character, it's strength of presence, and it's strength that's rooted in acceptance. So when things get challenging, consciously, with intent, return to stillness. And while you're at it, double down on love. And then act from clarity instead of fear or anxiety or frustration. So keep this in mind. I invite you. The goal is peace.
Len [00:10:13]:
And peace is something that you can choose again and again. And you can start right now, choose peace.
