Episode 275 — DON’T Fall Into the Diagnosis TRAP
Guest: Leland Vittert • Date: October 2, 2025
Episode Overview
Leland Vittert, Emmy-nominated journalist and author of Born Lucky, joins Len to share how his father’s refusal to accept limits transformed his trajectory. This episode reveals why labels can disempower parents - and what to focus on instead.
About Leland Vittert
Leland Vittert is an Emmy-nominated journalist and the host of On Balance on NewsNation. Known for holding leaders accountable and digging for truth, he shares his most personal work yet in Born Lucky, a memoir about his father’s fierce love, resilience, and refusal to accept limitations. It’s a story that transcends diagnosis and inspires parents everywhere.
You’ll Discover
The “Friendship First” Parenting Move That Changed Everything (5:18)
The Two Cornerstones That Lay The Foundation for Growth (8:58)
The One Thing To NEVER Show Your Child (12:56)
The Real Danger of Over-Accommodation (19:04)
How To Stay Fueled By Incremental Changes (24:27)
Referenced in This Episode
Full Transcript
Len Arcuri (00:04.508)
Hello and welcome to Autism Parenting Secrets. This week we explore what it truly means to rise above limitations. And not just for our kids, but for ourselves as parents. My guest is Leland Bitter. He's an Emmy nominated journalist and host of On Balance on NewsNation. You've likely seen him holding world leaders accountable and digging deep for the truth. But the story behind his success is even more remarkable.
In his new book, Born Lucky, he shares a deeply personal journey, one shaped by social challenges, relentless bullying, and an autism diagnosis before the word was common. It's also the story of a father who refused to accept the limitations others tried to impose. So this conversation is about rejecting labels, defying expectations, and focusing on what truly empowers a child.
The secret this week is don't fall into the diagnosis trap. Welcome, Leland.
Leland (01:10.038)
it's great, Len, is great to be here with you and just so excited to dive in on the journey that you've had with your son. And I think you make a great point in your intro that this is much broader than autism. People have said this is my memoir. And really it's a story of my dad. It's a love story about him and his dedication to me that I think applies.
across the board to parents, regardless of what their kid's struggling with, because so many parents, and I think you probably experienced the same thing, feel helpless when their kid's diagnosed. And they are being told over and over, you must accept your child as they are, and almost being told not to help their kid, try to adapt to the world. So I think this is an important conversation.
Len Arcuri (02:00.69)
Great, yeah, no, it's crazy how aligned I think the message in your book is with this podcast, with the work I do, because it truly is just really hard for a parent to find that balance. Because yes, they want to accept their child and accepting your child is incredibly important, but that doesn't mean sitting on your hands. And it also doesn't mean just doing what other people are telling you to do, which is why I think your book and your story, especially your father,
really chose a different path. He could have chosen a parenting path that he saw his peers doing and he didn't. So I think the secret sauce is how does a parent shift into that very different version of themselves that actually is really useful for a child, especially a child who's different. And I think your book really painted some of those subtle ways that he was very, very different than a typical parent.
Leland (02:59.778)
Yeah, I would agree with that. I'm not a parent. I just got married about two months ago. So I only know it from my side. And then I probably know it from the national conversation about kids and participation trophies and acceptance versus trying to mainstream normalize whatever you want to call it. The diagnosis business.
that's become an enormous industry in America. So I know it from all of the sides that you don't. So together we'll be able to get through this.
Len Arcuri (03:35.666)
All right, great. Well, hey, I'll hand it off to you because this podcast is called Autism Parenting Secrets and your book shares many, many secrets, which I would define as really useful things a parent should know earlier in the journey as they're becoming a parent. And again, they're trying to support their child with a diagnosis like autism. There's ways of discerning what's going to be helpful for my child.
ways of navigating that really get in the way. So I think share some of what you saw in your father and what you've kind of internalized as lessons for you. know, down the road, if you enter into fatherhood, what you'll put into practice because of what you learned from your dad.
Leland (04:24.11)
Appreciate that. George Will, who's the parent of a Down syndrome child, wrote the foreword to the book. And in it, he wrote, this book is a testament to the mountain moving power of parental love. And that's what really what the story was. My dad realized that I didn't have any friends and couldn't make friends as a little boy. I don't know when exactly he realized that. I think we tell a couple of stories in the book when I was trying to play a pickup soccer game on a family vacation, was running into kids and
couldn't figure out how to have any real meaningful interaction. He looked at my mom and he said, we got a real problem here. And that was before I was officially diagnosed with anything. And then there was the time he showed up in fifth grade to find me in PE class with the girls. The coach had put me with the girls because the boys were bullying me too much and I didn't understand them and they would run into me and then I would get in fights with them and on and on.
So I think this, you can see where my dad's perspective was. And he made the comment as we started to work on this book, he said, you I knew you didn't have any friends, so I thought I would be your friend or I could be your friend. And he's become my best friend for a long time. He was my only friend. We still talk five or six times a day. We still call each other to say goodnight. mean, the relationship we have is pretty, especially into this day, I'm 40.
two will be 43 coming up here. So I think what was important here is when they did a couple of the various diagnosis tests on me at an early age, and this is before autism was a major thing. So we write in the book that profound autism is what we call now what was defined as autism then. So unless you had these just sort of unbelievably
debilitating outward signs of autism, you did not get diagnosed with it. So there was progressive developmental disorder, there was social blindness. In my case, the IQ test spread went from genius to what they called then mentally retarded. So from 150 to 70. Learning disability is a 80 point spread between the two halves of the test, or learning disability is 20 points spread between the two halves of the test.
Leland (06:48.234)
I had an 80 point spread between the two halves of the test. And there was this conversation that dad tells where the woman who did the first battery of tests said it's really difficult to know what is going on inside Lucky, which was my nickname, still is mine. My dad goes, well, is there anything we can do, anything? And she goes, you know, generally not. Just as if it was just normal, like, yeah, you know, this is who this...
five-year-old tubby funny-looking cross-eyed kid is, and there's just nothing you can do. And my dad didn't accept that, he said, really? And the woman said, well, generally not. But two things have to be there. One, the kid has to be smart, which in certain ways I was. More importantly, I understood how to listen and could listen to my dad. And number two, the kid has to want it. And part of wanting it was my dad telling me and showing me that there was another way.
And I think that's a big part of the conversation now of the difference between embracing and loving a child who has these differences, whether it be ADHD or autism or developmental delays or physical disabilities or whatever it is and accepting them for who they are, but showing them and promising them there can be more if they work at it.
was a real difference in the cornerstone, I think, of dad's lessons. One was love, but the second cornerstone was hard work, hard work by him, but also pushing me to do hard work. We tell the story in the book about how in the very beginning, he wanted to try to give me goals and have me be good at something, because I wasn't good at anything. So he started having me do pushups. And I would do 200 pushups a night.
And if I did 200 push-ups a night for three months, five times a week, I got a trip to Disney World with my mom. There was some reward. So it was defined goal, hard work, goal, reward. And that has sort of defined his and my relationship and then now sort of how I view the world later on. And the book then comes full circle, the one...
Leland (09:07.134)
we won't get into the politics of this, but I was asked to sort of invited not to return to Fox News because I questioned Trump's claims he won the election. And in the same month I was fired from my job at Fox, I asked not to return. I almost died of COVID. I was in the hospital for a week. I had lost my place to live because my then girlfriend and I at the time had broken up. So she kept the condo and I lost my primary relationship all in a month.
sitting in Florida at my parents' house trying to get stronger after COVID and living in their guest bedroom and all I had in my name was a backpack. And dad says to me, he goes, look, he goes, you've been here before. We've done this before. There was the time that the teacher at school said in front of an entire art class, this is eighth grade, he says, if my dog was as ugly as you, I'd shave its ass and make it walk backwards.
That was what the teacher said to me. In front of the whole class. So he goes, you you got up the next day and you went to school, so you can keep going here. And he was right, but I think so much of this is teaching kids they can do hard things and not paving the way for them. You can help them knock down trees and push obstacles aside, but doing it for them is really deleterious later on.
Len Arcuri (10:07.398)
Incredible.
Len Arcuri (10:34.546)
Yeah, no, so many key concepts you touched on, right? The growth mindset, the falling in love with hard work and working towards something, no question. But you started off though, I think with a really important concept that you want to go back to where your father discerned early on that what you really needed was a friend because you didn't really have that. That was hard for you. And so I think that was like
the first brilliant chess move your dad made where he realized that was a need of yours. And then he became that connection for you. He became that friend. And I think it's so important because I know the mistake I made, and I think many parents are in this bucket where you get that diagnosis that's so overwhelming. And by you then trying to quote unquote, fix things or fix them, if you're going down that road, you wind up actually pushing your child away.
as opposed to really kind of doing what it takes to maintain that connection, which if you have that bond and that connection with your child, so much opens up. But I think a lot of parents go down a road of fix it, which again is well intentioned, but it might be kind of causing the parent to miss a real key need that child may have early on, which your dad saw.
Leland (11:56.142)
I think it's a great point. My dad wrote the afterword to this. So the two best parts of the book are George Will's forward and my dad's afterword. And I've got to fill in the middle 240 pages. And by the way, it's not just me who said that. It's the publisher, my book editor. He gets the forward and the afterwards. goes, you know, the book's really good, but these two parts, you know.
Len Arcuri (12:24.177)
you
Leland (12:25.77)
In there, dad lists four principles. The afterwords only a few hundred words, like seven or 800 words, and I know you have it, but in it he lists a few principles. And one of the things he writes was he resolved early on to never show disappointment in me because he realized that that would just crush me, that I didn't have anybody else. I was all he had. And I think there's so many parents who need to know that that's all their kid needs. And that connection, that support, that...
help just means so much to people and can change a kid's life.
Len Arcuri (13:02.002)
But I think a lot of parents might unwittingly show disappointment with good intent, right? Trying to motivate their child to do better, trying to help them, you know, learn the skills they need or to be like other kids. I mean, there's a lot that's going on, but I think, again, you hit it on the head where conveying disappointment to a child who's already different, who already might be challenged in many ways, has real consequences. again, and there's so many things that come out of parents.
Leland (13:06.284)
Yeah, sure.
Len Arcuri (13:29.83)
that you can't control, you can control how you're showing up. And it's that energy, I think, that your dad was conveying to you, like sincerely, lovingly, yet encouragingly, that really is the magic.
Leland (13:44.45)
Yeah, there were a lot of moments in the book and I made the point in the beginning that I'll always have autism, right? This isn't a cure. This was a methodical approach to help me learn how to interact in the world in a way that was different than the way I saw it interact in the world. And that was a learned skill.
and it has become a learned skill. I think it's important to note though, that, you know, dad said it was, you know, I never showed disappointment. That's not to say there weren't some tough moments, right? That's not to say that when I was like seven or eight and I got caught lying, you know, the way his dad dealt with it is his dad caught him lying and took him to an orphanage. I tell this story in the book where dad woke up one day and told his dad he had brushed his teeth and...
that my dad took him upstairs and realized, know, toothbrush was dry and fine, and took him to an orphanage and said to my dad, this is where you're gonna be if you don't stop lying, because you don't lie in our house. So he dealt with it differently with me. I had to write a thousand times, I will not lie. And at the time, the big thing in my life was flying. That was another thing that dad had helped me do, to try to set goals, find something I could be good at, find something I could succeed at that was different.
than other kids. And I had to call my flight instructor and say, I can't fly anymore because I lied. So it's not to say that it was always really happy happiness. I think the book goes through that. I mean, there was some real tension between dad and I at different points. And there was some real disagreements of how we dealt with the teacher that, you know, compared me disfavorably to his dog's ass was a real point of contention between him and I. And the book takes you through how we've wrestled with that over time.
It's clear the bedrock though has been this really deep, deep trust. And I'll give you this story from the book that I think sort of crystallizes this. I was like six years old, five years old. And in my grandparents' lawn, there was a tall oak tree. So imagine a hundred, 120 foot oak tree. But about six feet up, there was this notch of like another branch that had come out that had been sawed off. So my dad,
Leland (16:11.31)
puts me up on the notch. you know, he's about six feet. I'm sort of eye level. My feet are eye level with him. And then I'm up on the notch. And he looks at me and I'm looking down at him. It might've well been a thousand feet down. He says, do you trust me? And I said, of course, dad, I trust you. He goes, great, jump into my arms. I jump into his arms. catches me. He says, I will always catch you. I will always protect you. Which was this sort of crystallizing moment for him and I. And he...
tells that story, and in the book, you realize why he wanted to do that was because a friend of his who's a very successful businessman had done basically the same thing with his son, but he let his son fall. And when the son was wailing in pain and screaming and crying on the ground from having just fallen and all the emotions that came with it, he looked over his son, says, you don't trust anybody.
Len Arcuri (17:07.118)
you
Leland (17:09.326)
Two very different lessons. Again, the book isn't a how-to manual, but that perhaps shows you what sort of dad's philosophy was.
Len Arcuri (17:19.376)
Got it, yeah, he had a playbook. He had a playbook and he had a way of operating. And even going back to the tooth brushing, right? I mean, you bring up a subtle, an important point where the subtleties matter where, you know, kind of being with your child and being their friend and going with them doesn't mean that you don't have rules in the house. Doesn't mean that there's not consequences. It's a balancing act of having that clarity and helping to teach your child how the world works.
while at the same time not doing it in a way, again, that might be making it harder for the child who might already be struggling in a world that doesn't really understand them. And I guess the way I'd bottom line it is you can be a strong parent who teaches and guides and inspires, but without the judgment of your child as less than or broken, which in many ways, approaching him with that judgment, which just sounds like your dad did not have.
It's that judgment that sometimes seems like the right thing to do, but again, could wind up really pushing the child in a direction that you're not wanting.
Leland (18:24.59)
Look, I only know our story. You know, I haven't been a parent, so I can't sort of give you the other side of it. But the way he dealt with me, and I think, you know, I'll give you this sort of other anecdote from the book in terms of how he tried to coach me really was...
when I would be at a dinner, and I loved being around adults because adults allowed me to interact with them and I could talk to them about politics and talk to them about adult things, which is the only thing I knew how to talk about because my dad was my only friend and this is what I was interested in. But if I would talk too much, he would tap his watch. And that was my signal to stop talking. And then the next either the next morning or after dinner or whatever, we would post game.
Right? Like, okay, you know, when Mr. Smith was talking about whatever and you interrupted him to talk about this, why did you think he was interested in that? And, know, what about the story you told connected to what he was talking about? So it was that kind of very, you know, game film-like approach to life that helped teach me.
Len Arcuri (19:45.296)
Yeah, was coaching, right? He was coaching you and he was trying to give you real-time feedback, which is incredibly, incredibly important, regardless of what you might be dealing with. But yeah, so he was doing that. And again, I think as I'm just listening to your story and trying to process it and relate it to, parents listening, what's important for them to get, he had that initial objective of being your friend, right? Of having that connection. But then he shifted his...
intent to really help you establish those social connections with other people. So I think it's a trap also where parents fall into, okay, I'm going to be there for my child. And they just kind of focus on being the one and never really wanting to take a step back and say, okay, now let me help my child interact with other peers or other parents. so that again, it's your intention, what your intention is.
Leland (20:36.963)
Yeah.
Len Arcuri (20:41.532)
drives all your activity. And again, it sounds like your dad had an innate sense of what was needed and then gave you coaching along the way.
Leland (20:49.438)
I think that's very accurate. think what's interesting in this, and it speaks to what you're saying, that parents are sort of told now, right, that this is who your kid is. And I think what my dad did is, love you, I accept who you are, but I think you can be better. And so many parents put so much effort into getting accommodations and adaptions and to make life easy for their kids.
You read in the book, they didn't tell anybody about my diagnosis, nobody. I didn't have a therapist, I didn't have special, you more time on tests. I had absolutely no accommodations for learning disabilities, nothing. And his philosophy was the real world isn't gonna make accommodations, you gotta start learning now. And he was right. You know, it is allowed me to enjoy whatever success that I have.
Len Arcuri (21:45.958)
Fantastic. No, that's super inspiring because everything that you just said is so true. Even with my own son, he's 18 now, but I don't think he even knew, had an awareness that he was quote unquote on the autism spectrum until he was around 16. It wasn't like I was hiding it from him. It was just that label didn't benefit him in some way. He knew he was different for sure. He knew he had opportunities to improve and socialize and the like.
But I know I took a very different stance where I just didn't think that label helped. again, every parent can choose what they share with their child and how much kind of credence they give to that label, but it is just a label. And if you do let it define your child and get to a point where you're starting to do things for them, or even in your own mind, you're limiting what they might be capable of, I think that's where it becomes very disempowering, that label.
And again, your dad seemed to have an intuitive sense of that. Yeah, fantastic. Well, I'm very excited for this book. Again, I think even though you're not a parent, I think your insights are super, super relevant. And I know you're not giving parenting advice, you're just sharing your story. But again, there's so much that's in there that is something that a parent, people who are listening, a parent of a child who's newly diagnosed or somebody who's been at this for a while.
Leland (22:46.508)
Yeah, all very true.
Leland (23:01.443)
Yeah.
Leland (23:07.394)
Yeah.
Len Arcuri (23:12.622)
Again, there's so many lessons in there about how a parent can.
Leland (23:12.814)
Sure. Yeah. I think there's lessons. I don't want to escape. There's lessons, yes, but I think there's also a lot of hope and there's a lot of promise. And my dad sort of talks about this. He and I spent a lot of time talking as we were writing this book, because obviously there were a lot of the stories from when I was younger I didn't remember. And I would come home after school at night and I would...
Scream and I would cry and even in high school, know the the bullying and the isolation was relentless and I would come and I write about just taking it all out on him and my Mother would tell my sister I think the quote that I wrote in the book was We Lucky comes goes to school every day going into battle and he comes home every night broken and then we have to put him back together again so that was that
environment and I show the reader that this isn't easy. My dad, when he would finally say goodnight to me after putting me back together and letting me yell at him and letting me take these frustrations out on him, he would then come into the living room and cry himself. The internalization of the emotion, think, something... There's so many parents who are going through that and having those difficulties and having that emotion and asking themselves,
Is it worth it? And I think you see in the book, it really is worth it. And those incremental moments day in, day out may not seem like they're making any progress. And there were long periods of time I didn't, but then you look back and there was enormous progress. that hopefully both gives a way to look at things in something that's different than the...
kind of current conventional wisdom, and then also promises that life gets better.
Len Arcuri (25:18.066)
Yes, no, as you said, it's all about hope and it is about the day-to-day incremental progress both parent and child can make. It's very easy to miss it because as a parent, you're constantly wanting more for your child. It's never enough. It's easy to miss the progress that's being made. Again, it's really just about showing up as strong and as loving as you can. A lot of that just means being open, being curious.
Leland (25:29.196)
Nah.
Len Arcuri (25:47.558)
yet still being a strong parent because your child needs you as the leader and in your dad's case as a coach sometimes. It's a balancing act in terms of it's easy to take it too far. It's about finding that right balance of what's going to be useful for your child. But again, as the parent, you influence so much. So you having more awareness, taking some of the lessons that are in your book, seeing how they apply in your own relationship with your child.
It's about constant growth, growth mindset, working on yourself. And that's why I'm excited for parents to read the book. I thought it was dynamite. And again, there's something in there for everyone.
Leland (26:28.11)
Great, thanks a lot, I appreciate the time.
Len Arcuri (26:30.31)
Leland, wishing you great success and I know this is your first book, correct?
Leland (26:34.496)
It is, it is. I'm not sure I want to hear the word book after this. It's been an incredible amount of work. as I said, I never had a therapist. Now kids, it's very in vogue that kids have therapists and that did not happen in our house. And I...
Len Arcuri (26:38.866)
you
Leland (27:01.504)
I think to myself, I never went through therapy as a kid, but now I feel like I've been through therapy and it's on national television. So it's been quite the process.
Len Arcuri (27:09.554)
Well, I'm sure it has been. Well, congratulations. And again, we'll include in the link in the show notes the links, but you can buy it anywhere. And again, Leland really appreciate you for taking the time to put this story into words for other people to read or listen to. So thank you again.
Leland (27:26.702)
Thanks, Len. Appreciate the support.
