Episode 273 — Fill YOUR Cup First
Guest: Dr. Tom Moorcroft • Date: September 18, 2025
Episode Overview
This week’s conversation is with Dr. Tom Moorcroft, one of the most inspiring voices in the MAPS community. Together, we explore why the most powerful gift you can give your child is a parent who is fueled, present, and leading with love.
About Dr. Tom Moorcroft
Dr. Tom Moorcroft, DO, is one of the most respected voices in complex chronic illness recovery and America’s Premier Lyme Disease Educator. He is the founder of the Lyme Disease Practitioner Certification & Mentorship Program and host of The Lyme Insider podcast, where he trains clinicians to master the art and science of treating Lyme disease, tick-borne co-infections, mold illness, and infection-induced autoimmune conditions like PANS/PANDAS.
With over 15 years of frontline experience, Dr. Tom blends cutting-edge science with practical, results-driven strategies to solve medical mysteries others often miss. He is a Fellow of the Medical Academy of Pediatric & Special Needs (FMAPS), an ILADS Fellow, and a former acting President, Board Member, and Committee Chair of ILADS.
Trusted by patients and practitioners alike—from highly sensitive individuals to children with neuroinflammatory challenges—Dr. Tom’s mission is clear: raise the standard of care and empower more healers to deliver lasting results. tommoorcroft.com
Learn more:
Medical Practice → OriginsOfHealth.com
Practitioner Training → LymeTraining.org
YouTube → @TomMoorcroft
Instagram → @drtommoorcroft
LinkedIn → @tommoorcroftdo
Facebook → @OriginsOfHealth
The Lyme Insider Podcast
You’ll Discover
How Filling Your Own Tank First Makes You a Stronger Parent (8:10)
Why Modeling Behavior Is More Powerful Than Demanding It (11:29)
The Surprising Truth: Your Child Is Always Listening (13:28)
How Turning Supplements & Food Changes Into Acts of Love Shifts Everything (17:35)
The Unforgettable “I See You In There” Moment That Proves Presence Heals (21:18)
Why Acceptance Opens the Door to Action and Growth (37:45)
How Course Correction—Not Perfection—Creates Lasting Change (46:28)
Resources
To learn more about personalized 1:1 support, go to www.elevatehowyounavigate.com
Take The Quiz: What’s YOUR Top Autism Parenting Blindspot?
Full Transcript
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:00:00]:
The hardest thing for me to learn, really, because I came from a family of givers and it was more like, you know, I grew up Roman Catholic, my mom's very devoted to her religion. And for me it was like, almost like give to the point where you were suffering. Give everything you had and don't take for yourself. I'm like, that wasn't working for me. And I love being able to give. But what I learned was if I fill my own tank first, then how can I show up for my wife of 24 plus years, how can I show up for my almost 16 year old daughter as the best father possible, the best husband possible, if I don't have any energy and I'm burnt and I'm pissed off and I'm irritable? So I found that if I filled my cup first, I could fill Jill's cup and I could provide for her and I could fill Talia's cup and provide for her. And the most important thing I learned really, is as a father, I want to model the behavior.
Len Arcuri [00:00:55]:
If you're a parent of a child with autism, you are being called to rise with love, courage and clarity. This journey isn't easy and most parents aren't equipped, but you can be. This podcast is your invitation to rise higher because how you navigate matters. I'm Len and this is Autism Parenting Secrets, where you become the parent your child needs now. Hello and welcome to Autism Parenting Secrets. It's Len and I am here at the MAPS 2025 Fall Conference in Phoenix, Arizona. And I'm here with Dr. Tom Moorcroft, who is one of the most compelling speakers and one of the true leaders within the MAPS organization.
Len Arcuri [00:01:36]:
You've heard about maps. We've had several of the practitioners and their executive director on the podcast before, but now you get the gift of being able to hear Dr. Tom speak. And he gave a dynamite presentation this weekend. He's going to touch on that and I'm going to stop talking and just hand off to Dr. Tom. So welcome.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:01:53]:
Thanks so much, Len, for having me here. It's an honor to be here and to share this message of hope and healing with everyone. So I'm really excited for this conversation.
Len Arcuri [00:02:01]:
Fantastic. Well, you're not here by accident. Again, I've seen you speak many, many times and I know you have a practice that's dedicated to serving parents like the people who are listening to this episode. So maybe as a level set, MAPS is a collection of practitioners, you know, some medical doctors, some naturopaths and chiropractors. It's a whole collection of people who play a variety of roles that serve families. And so can you talk a little bit more about your specific practice and even kind of what brought you to serving parents in this way?
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:02:32]:
Yeah, you know, I kind of, I'm an osteopathic physician. I really believe in living life with passion and just getting out there. And I really got into medicine to find a way to help people live their best life and, and take the best information we have. And it's kind of almost like when longevity medicine first came out. Like, we're just like, let's live our best life, let's have a blast. And I was like. And as an osteopath, we learned about the body having a self healing mechanism. And within the self healing mechanism, the body has the ability to not only self heal, but to self regulate.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:03:03]:
And all we need to do is remember that we're this unit of body, mind and spirit and then fuel not just one area of that, not just sort of looking at the physical or just the mental health, but looking at the whole person as a unit and then we could thrive. So I did a fellowship in osteopathic manipulation, which is where things like cranial sacral therapy came out of. And I just thought I was going to get paid to meditate all day and tell people to take vitamin D and go exercise a little. And I remember one day, very specifically I put my hands on somebody, I'm like, I remember this and it felt like they had an infection. And I was pretty sure it was lyme disease because in our training, you know, we were taught to put our hands on people, feel the difference between different leukemias, different medicines, different infections. And it was so cool. And I was like, I'm not really going to need to use this that much. I'm just going to help people feel better and they can go live a great life and I'll get paid to meditate.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:03:55]:
And then so I saw this person. I was like, oh man, I don't know who to send you to. So I decided to go out and do some testing. I confirmed my diagnosis and my suspicions started treating her. She saw someone, a friend of hers who was in a wheelchair. She referred her to me and within a couple months we got out of a wheelchair and ever since then, this is all I've done. So I went from osteopathic manipulation and like being like a witch doctor shaman in a small room to, you know, treating Lyme disease and other tick borne illnesses, other vector borne illnesses like bar tendellosis and such. And what ended up happening was then I learned I started seeing, you know, a family medicine doc.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:04:33]:
So I see adults and kids. I started seeing kids with this, like, kind of the acute behavioral changes. And I was like, what's this thing? And so I started training, and then we came across, you know, pans and pandas. And overall, that's an infection triggered autoimmune brain inflammation. So I started training a lot in that. And then from there, it was like, oh, well, then I started seeing autistic kids who also or kids with fragile X who also had an exposure to strep or Lyme. And that triggered even additional behavioral changes. So I was seeing, like, pans and pandas, all in a child who already had autism.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:05:09]:
And that's kind of how I came into the autism MAPS world. And so what's so cool about Maps and just this whole community of parents and providers coming together is that they said, look, it's not just autism. These autistic kids are playing outside and getting exposed to ticks. They're getting scratched by cats. They're getting lice and getting bartonella. So they brought people like myself in to lecture on that. And I remember really clearly from the first time I came to maps, I was like, wow, this is like family. This is like home.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:05:41]:
And it's like one of the few conferences I go to where I feel like I get more given to me than I give to them. And as you know, I mean, I give a lot here. I mean, it's like, I moderate days, I lecture, and I make sure anybody who has questions, I'm happy to answer, and I learn from them, and they learn from me. But it's really this family thing. And that's what I love about the energy here and I love about the autism community in general, is it's like everybody's here for the betterment of the kids and the families we serve. And that's really what keeps me coming back.
Len Arcuri [00:06:11]:
Yeah. You know, I love everything you're saying, and I can definitely attest to the fact that there is a very different energy here, especially. And it's not just autism. It's any kind of conditions, perhaps, that are developmental conditions that children may be experiencing. But oftentimes in the autism community, the energy's pretty negative. Right. And so here, all I can say is, because I'm a parent, I'm not a practitioner, I'm kind of the outlier. But the passion and the energy of the providers here, they all have great humility, great curiosity.
Len Arcuri [00:06:44]:
They're all really supporting each other and it really is a phenomenal organization. So that's why I'm here. And again, as many voices as I can capture while I'm here, I couldn't agree more with what Dr. Thomas saying. And yes, I've seen him hustling all day long, so he's running on fumes. But no, I'll hand it back to you.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:07:04]:
Yeah, this is the thing I love though I might be running on fumes, so to speak, but here it's good. It's not like I'm burnt out, it's like I'm just so excited to share. And everybody here has got that passion and we bring that, we come together to reignite that passion or keep that flame going and to sort of drink from the cup, so to speak. So that when we go back we can help you and your children. And I think what we're talking about, what we're going to talk about, one of the things that really, I really want to talk about is like I teach practitioners. I mean I have a year long training for Lyme disease and pans, pandas and mold. That's all great, but one of the most important things is I want my practitioners to be fully vital. I want them to be leading by example.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:07:47]:
I want them to be full of passion, I want them to be healthy and then I can teach them all the other stuff. But if they're not doing the work at home and they don't feel passionate and like the reason I have like people are like, you have so much friggin energy. I'm like, I know, but it's because I love what I do. And then people are like, well what do you do when you go home? I'm like, well I work and I go outside and I go mountain biking, I go skiing, I go camping with my family, I walk the dog. You fill your tank, I fill my tank. And what was the hardest thing for me to learn really? Because I came from a family of givers and it was more like I grew up Roman Catholic, my mom's very devoted to her religion. For and for me it was like almost like give to the point where you were suffering. Give everything you had and don't take for yourself.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:08:31]:
I'm like, that wasn't working for me and I love being able to give. But what I learned was if I fill my own tank first, then how can I show up for my wife of 24 plus years, how can I show up for my almost 16 year old daughter as the best father possible? The Best husband possible if I don't have any energy and I'm burnt and I'm pissed off and I'm irritable. So I found that if I filled my cup first, I could fill Jill's cup, and I could provide for her, and I could fill Talia's cup and provide for her. And the most important thing I learned, really, is as a father, I want to model the behavior. So as my daughter was growing, I loved when she was interested in the things I was interested in. We could do them together, sure. But then she decided to have different interests, and they were not the ones necessarily that I wanted, but I showed her through my actions to pursue her passions and to be able to do that and see her as she found her way through life and finding the things she loves to do, see that? Uplifting her soul, uplifting her energy, uplifting her physical being. Like, whenever she got sick or whatever, it's like she could get over things because she had this well to draw upon.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:09:46]:
And as a parent, there are times where giving the most to myself meant I didn't do what I wanted to do. I gave to my daughter or I gave to my wife. But as a general rule, I come first, not second. And I said to my wife, she is a stereotypical amazing wife. I mean, just one of the. I mean, literally, my best friend, soulmate, you know, we met, you know, a few months after we met at medical school. We started dating. Within two months, decided to get married.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:10:14]:
Seven months later, we did. And it's been this long because we both try to help each other fill the other person's cup. And what I learned from her, though, is she will make sure my whole life is fulfilled and then take care of herself. And at one point, I had to be like, honey, you got to take care of yourself. And where we learned. And it's like. But it's a balance, right? So taking care of yourself sometimes means taking care of somebody else. But the part that was so interesting is when I was like, how do I get kids to take supplements? How do I get them to take medicine? How do I get them to eat good food? Well, I learned from my daughter that the only way to do that is for me to do it and then give her the opportunity to do it, but not make her.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:11:00]:
And one of my friends teaches a kid's cooking class. And for a while, my daughter was super into it. We got her knives and cutting boards, and she's doing everything. And then she just gave up on it for, like, eight months. She Wanted nothing to do with cooking. And I phoned my friend because I was getting a little frustrated, because I'm like, just do it. You know? And my buddy Katie goes, just give her the opportunity. If she wants to do it, great.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:11:24]:
If she doesn't, that's okay. And so what I found was I put out the cutting board and the knife. I would ask, do you want to do this? Would you like to cut up the vegetables? Not tonight, dad. I'm like, okay, well, if you want to, it's here. And otherwise you're cool. I'll let you know when dinner's ready. And I did this for a little while. Then all of a sudden, it reignited her passion for it to.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:11:45]:
Now she volunteers to cook dinner for us. We just went away for two weeks, and she stayed by herself and took care of the dog, but cooked all her own meals, 15 and a half. So it was like, I didn't push. I gave her the opportunity to excel. Now, when we take this into our practice, our medical practice, and we think about parents and their children and how we can move this forward. Right? Like, how do I take these lessons I've learned with my little one who's relatively neurotypical. Now, she's had acute bartonella from the cat because we didn't know when we had cats. Oh, really? Yeah.
Len Arcuri [00:12:19]:
We should touch on that.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:12:20]:
Yeah, yeah. And also then she had acute babesiosis from a school trip, so we treated her, but that's what I do. So it was like, I counted early, and I know how to treat it, but we've never really. And there's been challenges in life, because even when you're neurotypical, whatever the hell that really means, I mean, everybody's got their own thing. There's still just challenges of growing up in this day and age. But what I found is I said to my parents, well, if I rewind for one second, I remember very clearly there was one day where Talia was just like, she basically gave me the bird. She might have actually told.
Len Arcuri [00:12:57]:
How old was she at the time?
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:12:57]:
Oh, probably eight, seven or eight. And she probably actually said, F off. But what was so interesting about it, Len, was when we were talking or when I walked out of the room, I was like, she's not paying a damn bit of attention to me. And I was just having one of those days. I took a deep breath and I was like, wait a second. I do remember the leadership training I've done where they're like, it's. People are. It's not about what you're saying it's about what you're doing, and your kids are always paying attention.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:13:28]:
And I literally walked back out of my office. I went around the corner, and she was literally out there just about like this with her hand in her ear. She was paying attention to what I was saying to her mother. And so when you're sharing your frustrations and they can hear they're there, oh.
Len Arcuri [00:13:41]:
They'Re taking it all in.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:13:42]:
They're taking everything in. And so what I realized is, like, look, they're always paying attention, even if they're pretending they're not. So I just had to change. And then there's days where you're frustrated about other things, but you're bringing that negativity home. So what? I've learned a couple big lessons. And then we can kind of talk about how we use this in practice. Is one when I'm having a bad day, I just say, I acknowledge it. I go, hey, honey, I'm having a bad day.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:14:08]:
I'm sorry I'm bringing this negativity into the house. I don't want to, but I just needed to vent a little, and I appreciate you giving me the space. So I kind of even just told her that her just being there and giving me space, even if she wasn't thinking about that, that she was part of healing me.
Len Arcuri [00:14:26]:
Yeah, that's power. Because you can't expect your spouse to read your mind and to understand.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:14:30]:
And I was talking about my kid, which is hilarious, because then it took me longer to learn about my spouse. I'm an open book because I realized that. And when I find it was so much easier to do with my daughter than it was with my wife.
Len Arcuri [00:14:44]:
Interesting.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:14:45]:
And then when I started to do it with my wife, then my daughter was like, what just happened in our house? Because we're chill anyway. But we had moments, you know, and it's just so interesting. And the other thing I would say to parents is, you're not perfect, and your kids aren't perfect. Right. They're just, you're doing your life, and you're doing the best you can. And like Don Miguel Ruiz writes in the Four Agreements, always do your best. But what he explains is your best will change from week to week, day to day, hour to hour, maybe minute to minute, depending upon how your day is. So when I show up in a way that I don't want to and I'm embarrassed by it, or I was frustrated and I lost my temper, I just say, hey, honey, whether it's my wife or My daughter, both of them.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:15:32]:
I say, I'm really sorry for how I just. What just happened. I did not show up the way I wanted to, and I'm really sorry for that. And I appreciate that. And then the other that your understanding of that. And in our family, we came up with a rule. If someone apologizes to you, you acknowledge it. We request, as a family, we decided that acknowledgement was important.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:16:00]:
But that does not mean the person has to accept your apology now or ever, because that's their thing.
Len Arcuri [00:16:09]:
Yeah. What they do with it is up to them.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:16:10]:
Right. But the only thing is, I want an acknowledgement that you heard it and it totally revolutionized the way our family is. And like, I grew up. My wife and I both grew up in families where they're arguing all day, every day. And it was like, there was love, but there was a lot of anger and negativity. But it was as soon as we took the pressure off of each of us to have to do something, and it opened up everything. And my daughter, I think, learned to forgive herself that way.
Len Arcuri [00:16:39]:
Wow.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:16:39]:
It was wild. You just saw the happiness come back. Because a lot of stuff happened over the pandemic, and we moved at the very beginning, and the social situation wasn't the way we really wanted it to be. But we all have challenges. And so when I go to my medical practice, I share some of these stories of real life with people. And I'm like, look, you don't have to be perfect, but you need to fill your cup first so that you have the ability to do that for someone else. Because if you're running on empty, you're just going to be short and you're going to teach them that it's okay to run on empty and okay to not show up. Right.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:17:16]:
So I'm a big believer in leading by example, leading with love. And what I found is like, if you just take this, we're having a little unsweetened iced tea here, right? So let's say that this is my tincture that I need to take. So many people are like, God damn it, I'm so sick of these supplements. I'm so sick of these medicines. Why do I have to do this every day? And I'm like, why don't you just take it a little differently and say, this is a spiritual moment. This is me honoring my body and my healing. And say, hey, this thing right here, I'm going to honor myself for doing something that's challenging. Taking a handful of pills and drinking some crappy tasting tincture But I love myself so much that I'm turning it into a sacrament and I'm turning it into an act of loving myself.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:18:07]:
So rather than making it a negative meditation and saying, oh my God, I'm doing blah, blah, blah, and then I take all these supplements that are supposed to heal me, but I've just made a negative. Put a negative energy around it. Why don't I do that? And then it's like, it becomes like this food and salads and whatever meal you're eating becomes a way of honoring yourself. And I honor the food and I honor what I'm and myself for doing it. And then I feel it. And it's just like, I just. I don't know, it's like we're doing it anyway, right? And so that's what I really love to do, is to bring in parents doing what they love, modeling the behavior they want their kids to do and. And then giving their kids an opportunity to do it rather than forcing it down their throat unless it's so medically necessary.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:18:51]:
We have to. And it changes the vibe. But it starts with you.
Len Arcuri [00:18:56]:
Yeah, no, it definitely does. And yeah, great example. Especially could totally apply to food, right? In terms of if a parent's making diet changes. And that can be really challenging. You can create a lot of stress and negativity around it. And you shouldn't be surprised if your child doesn't want to go for it. Right. If you're presenting it with that kind of heaviness, let's say.
Len Arcuri [00:19:17]:
So I totally agree. You can look at it and reframe it and sincerely believe it's nourishing, that you bring that kind of energy. And you're right, your child's feeding off all of your energy. And there's so many ways that you can intentionally shift it in a positive way, not just for yourself, but as you said, the child is taking everything in, whether it's a child that can communicate that to you or whether it's a non speaker who can't. Time and time again, we keep learning more and more. Your child is taking it all in, even if they don't demonstrate that by their affect.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:19:52]:
What you just said is so important to me as maybe a non speaker because what we know is there's so many spellers and people communicate in other ways. And just because they may be locked in, so to speak, from a conventional way of communicating their energy, their energy knows. And to me, it's like they. This is the part that when you start to reconnect with the energy of love, the energy of gratitude, the energy of your family, your community. That's what MAPS is so cool about. You just walk around, you don't talk to people, you feel better. So when we put that energy together, they feel that that's what being a human being is, and that's what lights us up. As soon as you said that, I'm like, oh, yeah.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:20:32]:
Oh, yeah. And I'm glad we have the opportunity to talk about this in medicine, because it becomes so sterile. Like, let's do the treatment. I'm like, yes. And let's remember that the person is this whole unit, and let's touch on their soul and their emotions and let's feed them. And maybe you have someone like a child who can't communicate in a more neurotypical way. If we want to go back to that crazy word. They have their own unique way to do that, but they still are there.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:21:03]:
I remember, really, in that case that I was presenting, I went back and put some pearls in there that I learned from my mentor, Charles Ray Jones. And this guy lived till he was, like, 93, was so passionate until he, was, like, incapable. Like, at the end of his 91st year, beginning of 92nd year, he was still seeing kids. Yeah, yeah. But he could do that because he's so passionate, you know? But he said to me one time, and then I saw it in a lot of patients, I watched him talk to a kid who was completely locked in. And he just goes to him, and he holds him and he goes, I see you in there. I'm coming to get you. And I saw him do this for three or four people over the next couple months, you know, really severely ill children.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:21:47]:
And then, like, six months later, some kid comes in and goes, do you remember that day where you grabbed me by the shoulders and you looked in my eyes and said, I see you in there. They go, I was about to give up on myself because everyone else was talking above me and about me, but not directly to me. And this is a challenge, guys. This is what's so important. This kid could not. We didn't know how to communicate with this kid at this time. But Dr. Jones saw the kid's essence and told them, I'm coming to get you.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:22:17]:
And that message gave them the hope to continue on when they were about to, in their heart, give up, because everyone else was talking through and around them and about them as if they weren't even there.
Len Arcuri [00:22:29]:
Right.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:22:30]:
And so this kid goes, you gave me that. You reignited that passion to keep pushing and doing the work inside of me. And I can't tell you how many spellers have said, look, what you're doing is working. Keep going. I know externally I'm no different, but internally I feel it. So when we can find the way to communicate with them and be open to it, but assume that they have a connection to you energetically, spiritually, emotionally, and start there. Because I know all the. Like all of you who have kids who are children in general, and especially children who are suffering with some kind of chronic illness, love them so much.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:23:14]:
Shower them with that and let them know. But walk around like in the frustration, let that go. Or let the love boil through that and remember that your frustration is a sign of how much love you have. Right. Anger is like just action of frustration. Right. It's not the absence of loving and caring. It's just showing how much.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:23:36]:
And you're just stressed that you can't do it. So just take a deep breath and say, wow, my anger, my frustration, my anxiety around this is actually showing how much I love. And so have your moment and then tell your kid, you know, hey, I felt that way because I love you so much. And I wish I could do more right now, but together we're going to get there. And that's the part that Ray showed us because, I mean, I literally saw every step of the way from grabbing them, saying, I'm coming to get you, all the way through completely cured. And in college, and you're like, oh, my God. But the kids told me and him that that moment where it wasn't about the medicine, it was about the recognition of the sentient being in front of you. That person who deserves love and is an equal to you, despite the fact that we communicate differently.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:24:25]:
Right. It's almost like we just speak different languages. I mean, I was just at an event, a festival, and most of my camp primarily spoke Spanish, and some of them spoke English, some didn't. I speak a little Spanish, not enough to really. But we got along. We had so much fun because it was like we just respected each other for speaking a different language. Many of our autistic kids are just speaking another language that we just are starting to break through to figure out how to communicate better. I mean, you look at Elizabeth Bonker.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:24:56]:
I mean, she's valedictorian of her college class and she spells. Doesn't mean she's got any kind of problem other than she communicates differently than maybe you and I are today.
Len Arcuri [00:25:05]:
It's a different language.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:25:06]:
Yeah. And so to me, it's like when you. That just gets me so excited. It's like, ooh, I don't know how to speak Spanish. I can learn it. I don't know how to speak to this autistic kid, but I can learn it. This kid with pans was completely fine three weeks ago. Now I have no.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:25:20]:
They're just like this. I'm like, cool, we need to do an exorcism. Let's go. Because I see the possibility and the love. And it's like, this is the part of medicine that keeps all of us in this Maps community going is we're sharing, I mean, and a lot of our lectures are about the latest scientific breakthroughs and the medicine and how to do the biomedical approach and all that. But behind all of it, the reason we all gel together so well and we kind of like the whole rising tide lifts all boats thing is because we start with our heart first, not last. It's not an add on, it's the starting point.
Len Arcuri [00:25:55]:
Yeah. So much of what you're saying couldn't be more true. And really especially the example with that one mentor of yours. I mean, it really does come down to. And these are very non biomedical terms, right? It comes down to presence and love. Because what he did is if you visualize from the child's perspective, their world's likely just a lot of static. And he was able to by looking in their eyes and just touching him, really establishing that presence and creating a signal that cut through that static. And so many of these kids, time and time again, especially the spellers, that's what they're craving, just for somebody to recognize them and not to talk, you know, talk beneath them and assume that they.
Len Arcuri [00:26:44]:
That that's why, you know, the term that we talked about even before this episode we recorded is presuming competence, presume the capability is there. And again, if you sincerely convey it with presence, the value and the earnest desire to connect, which again comes from love, there's nothing more powerful you can do. And parents, I think, are so often on the road to burnout and frustration and aggravation. And that's why pivoting and course correcting, as you were saying, is so important.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:27:17]:
Yeah, it's so interesting to me because over the past couple of years a lot of us have started talking about using hypnosis techniques and neuro linguistic programming or NLP techniques, and we're sharing with doctors, but it's really about language patterning. Right. It's not. You don't. You can put any fancy words in front of it. There's nothing brand new here. They just put it in a grouping and called it something, you know. But what it's about is, in my mind, it's like respecting the awareness that this person has and respecting their soul and their heart and like you said, connecting to it.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:27:49]:
And I can do that with language patterns and I can say the exact same thing with slightly different words. And it's a completely different meaning. In fact, I can say the exact same words with a different inflection. Right. And it means something different. And so.
Len Arcuri [00:28:02]:
And body language is incredibly important.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:28:05]:
Yeah. I love you, honey.
Len Arcuri [00:28:07]:
Right.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:28:08]:
I mean, it's crazy, but it's like when I. And the other times, sometimes it's just, you know, we talk a lot about the difference between men and women and stuff in relationships and, you know, I've been in a long term relationship with the same person and it's amazing, but we work at it, we have conversations. And sometimes my wife wants me to fix something, but most of the time she wants her man to shut up and listen and just hear her, but she doesn't want me to hear from here. This is. So I would listen.
Len Arcuri [00:28:38]:
Yeah, super active listening.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:28:39]:
And I was like, shit, I was super active listening. And I was like, oh, man. And then it was like. But then I sat and listened and I really felt what she was saying. And it didn't matter if I even heard the words, but I heard her.
Len Arcuri [00:28:52]:
And she could tell and she could feel it.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:28:55]:
And so a lot of. I was having a conversation. I mean, this has come up over and over at the conference. I talk about, in my case, a couple other people did. And someone today said to me at lunch, how many times have you gone through a new patient consultation? And at the end of it, someone goes, I feel better for the first time in eight years. I feel hope because you heard them. I didn't fix them in an hour by talking. I mean, I'm pretty skilled and all, but maybe not that.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:29:27]:
Maybe not that. Voodoo powerful. So it's like I love to sit down with people and hear them. And a lot of what as a physician we learn to do is in first week in medical school. It's crazy. They told me this. If you sit down and you listen to somebody for five minutes uninterrupted, 95% of the time, they'll tell you not only what's wrong with them, but how to fix them. And I'm like, wow.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:29:55]:
But statistically, physicians interrupt patients within seven seconds.
Len Arcuri [00:30:01]:
Absolutely.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:30:02]:
Now if you came into my ER and I put you on an ekg, and as soon as the nurse did, and as soon as I walk in, I see that you've got a heart attack going on, it might be appropriate for me to interrupt you. But in most interactions with a physician, we don't need to be interrupting. People should listen to. And if we sit down and listen, it's not just. That's the thing. It's not just about listening to the words. It's about listening to the tone, the inflection. It's about feeling the energy about when somebody says something, because people can say one thing and you feel something different.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:30:35]:
And we all do this. We all know this. I mean, how many times I remember, I use this example all the time. We're in medical school, there's like 126 people in the class. And, well, at this point, 125, because somebody's not there and the person's lecturing. And then all of a sudden, three quarters of the class turns around right before the door opens in the back of the room for that 1:26 person to slide in. How did we all do that? We didn't hear the door open because he hadn't touched it yet. So why are we taking that out of medicine and life? I mean, to me, it makes it so much more fun.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:31:06]:
And then I can use that to help me figure out what to do with my treatments as well. But I can give you the best treatments. And I say this to my practitioners that I train. It's really great for me to be able to teach you how to do what I do, because that's my mission. Like, let's help more people through the ripple effect. I can't help more than like, what, 10 people, ish a day, really effectively. But if I train 20 other doctors, now we're hitting 200 people a day. Train 200 doctors.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:31:33]:
Now we're talking 4,000 people a day. Now we're making a big impact. But If I train 200 doctors and 199 of them are burnt out in a year, that doesn't help. In fact, that's a counterproductive because I just knocked them out. So I'm always talking to people. And if you're a parent and a caregiver and you want to help heal your child, you got to be able to take care of yourself first. So you have the energy to help them. You know, certainly, like I said, some days your kid needs more, some days your hubby or your wife needs a little more.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:32:03]:
But if you constantly are feeding this whole thing and you make it fun. I'm not saying it's not hard. I'm not saying anybody deserves to go through this. I'm not saying that it's not going to be challenging and that you're not going to screw it up sometimes, because I've done all of those things.
Len Arcuri [00:32:17]:
Me, too.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:32:18]:
But it's interesting. I've done what part of my healing? Because I had Lyme disease in babesiosis. That was Lyme, got treated for 10 days, and I was sick for eight years. They never picked up the Babesiaf. So eight years before I got a diagnosis. But about six years in, I started practicing yoga. And it just kind of. Because my back was against the wolf.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:32:39]:
So it just kept going. And I was like, okay, let's feel what it feels like to be me. I couldn't sit down, but I did it anyway. And I kept working through it, and I just learned that I needed to feed myself in every way and not just one way. Funny. There's so many cool things you want to share about it. But, yeah, it's just like, you know, it's like my friend, like I was telling you about, like, she said, I think your message is the healing is in the living. And I don't want people to wait until they're better or their kids better to actually live a great life.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:33:12]:
Because what I learned through my healing journey was that I had really cool things happen in my life that I would never have had happen otherwise. Now again, I had opportunities to do things I would never think about doing if it wasn't for that. It's not that I wanted to have all this stuff happen, but it was what was going on. And so it made it. It put in a lot of space in my life to do the healing. One of the things I always say is, like, a lot of people are like, f Lyme or FMS or f. Like autism. And I'm like, I ask my patients, have you loved your Lyme disease today? And they all look at.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:33:45]:
They all want to slap me. But the thing is, if you go, I hate this. I don't like this. I don't want this, then it's a very negative contractile force around it. I'm like, how can Lyme disease. How can autism leave your body if you create a wall of cement around it? Now, alternatively, if I love Lyme disease, I love you so much. Whenever I say love, I just feel this openness. I remember an osteopathic mentor, somebody said, well, what technique do you do and how do you do it do you do it direct or indirect? And he's like, which direction is more life full? Which direction feels better? Which one expands the life force, allows your heart to open.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:34:28]:
Go do that, right? And so I was like, wow. So if I hate on the thing that I have that I don't want, I'm gonna keep it there longer. And it's kind of like family. You don't have to like them all, but you should really love them. So I love everyone I meet, but I don't like everybody. But it's a little bit of a. Again, it's a languaging pattern. But if I provide love and I open up, I can choose to keep that in my life or not.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:34:57]:
And love to me is very safe. If you're talking about like love and hate, they're opposite. But even my wife and I, on our second wedding anniversary got these tattoos. In Kanji, the characters are love and hate. And the point behind that is this is not about the love that has an opposite. It's a symbol for true love. The love that has no opposite, that just is life. And so if I can come at everything I do from a perspective of love, that love, true love, the essence that to me, my mentor has always called it the highest vibrational frequency.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:35:32]:
But if I come at that with love, then I can go, I can make a great decision. I can say I'm going to let this happen in my life, or I would love to not have this happening right now and just let it be. And when I open this space up, it's amazing how things just leave and how many serendipitous things come into my life. So doesn't mean I like every politician out there, but I love all of them, right?
Len Arcuri [00:35:54]:
But to me, the key word is flow. Like you're allowed flow. And that's where there's a surrender and acceptance and again, more of a light heartedness almost where you're just welcoming it wherever it comes. There's that Rumi quote about basically just welcoming whatever comes your way, invited in. Because if you're resisting, yes, you create so much brittleness and tension. And again, that's not gonna help you. It's not gonna help your child.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:36:22]:
Well, like J. Krishnamurti, right? So he was born and prophesied to be this guy for some cult, religious thing, whatever, and he was gonna be the next guy he rejected, like all of it. So everybody just followed him anyway. And so apparently, I mean, I remember being introduced to him. He talked to David Bohm about all those quantum physics and stuff. It was an amazing conversation because here's some big spiritual guy talking to the quantum physicist about all this, and it was incredible. It's like, I get into those things, but I remember Krishnamurti was like, there's a story about him where people had followed him for, like, 20 plus years, and he has this, like, big gathering, and he goes, hey, guys, I really appreciate all of you following me and learning and spreading this amazing love and word to everybody. He goes, I know you want to know my secret of happiness and enlightenment, right? So he goes, I'm going to share it with you right now.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:37:20]:
You guys have been here for decades. You deserve it. I don't care what happens. I was like. And that was like, in his style, he's like, let it flow. Whatever happens, happens. Now, that doesn't mean. And the word you use, acceptance, I think is a really cool word because for so many people, they're like, I'm not going to accept this.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:37:46]:
That's not the acceptance that you and I are talking about. We're not saying it's okay and that you shouldn't do anything or that you deserve it. What we're saying is don't fight reality. It's here. And the best way to move forward and get what you want is to go, I'm going to accept this as present and now take inspired action.
Len Arcuri [00:38:04]:
Yeah, Yeah. I always boil it down to where at first it's an acceptance or a surrender, and then kind of massive action or targeted action. When I say that that's not doing for a child. Let's say with autism, a slew of interventions and draining your bank account, it just means, okay, I'm accepting this. I'm accepting my child for who they are right now. 100% unconditional love, not some vert. Like I always said to my son, like, when I would look at him, sure, I love my son, but I love the version I wanted him to become. I didn't love him for who he.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:38:38]:
Was at the time.
Len Arcuri [00:38:39]:
So that was the big light bulb moment that I had to get over that. And when you actually can look at your child with true, unconditional love and surrender to what is, then you can take much more determined action to meet their needs. Which is why working with a provider or practitioner like you is so key to figure out, okay, well, where can I channel my energy and meet my child? It's not about recovering or it's not about changing someone's nature. It's about just meeting their unique needs. And you have to be Able to work with a practitioner who's curious, who's passionate. You want to work with someone like Dr. Tom here because again, a regular, typical practitioner, they won't forget about 15 minutes listening to you. They won't have five minutes of listening to you.
Len Arcuri [00:39:26]:
And you really need to be putting on your team the right people to advise you who have those qualities. Because it does come down to taking action. You can't sit on your hands, but what you do, you're the best judge of what makes sense for your child. But you have to have the right advisors.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:39:44]:
I'm just thinking, like, one of the points I wanted to make, you literally made was like, when you were with your son, you're like, I love the version of him he's going to become. But when you and man, how horrible I could potentially imagine, I don't know, would that feel to receive that energy. You're not good enough, but you might be someday.
Len Arcuri [00:40:09]:
And that's what I was saying unintentionally. I had no awareness of this.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:40:13]:
Yeah. And there's no judgment on you.
Len Arcuri [00:40:14]:
No, no, no.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:40:15]:
But the awareness. And that's why I think it's so cool when you become aware of these things, then you can take action. So one of my. And two things. One is then you go, hey, right there. And then you're like, oh, wait, I'm aware. So let's become I love you right now, and together we can get you there.
Len Arcuri [00:40:34]:
Yep. Follow my lead.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:40:37]:
Yeah, yeah. But you're not saying, I'm gonna love you anymore there. It's just like, I love you and wouldn't it be nice to get there? So it's like, I don't like what's going on here, but I still love you. And then I like the vision of what that is. So let's go for it. But no matter what the love, I want everyone to figure out, I want you to live in the love that you think you're going to have for them there now. And you can do that, and you totally can. It's your natural state.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:41:03]:
So one of the things I love to challenge my patients with, especially the adults who are sick or the parents of the children, is to stand in front of the mirror and you can do it with your phone. You can do it in front of a mirror and just say, hey, Tom, I love you, and stare in your own eyes. And I've actually had people who can't even get turn their phone from away to selfie view without swallowing three or four times and they turn it around. And then it's like minutes before they can say any word. And then they go. They scream, I love you. And they're like, you know, to just make it not a thing. And then they goof around and.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:41:40]:
And it's like five, ten minutes before they can sit and they say, I love you. And then they feel like they're going to puke, but I'm like, that's beautiful. Say that and feel where that is and do it to yourself first. And then be like, wow, you know, Tom, I really love Jill. Tom, I really love Talia. And Tom, I love you. I always go back to I love you. And it's like when you do that, though, feel where you feel it in your body and the beauty is you don't have to do anything with it.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:42:11]:
Become to what you were saying. Become aware. Become aware of it and just sit with it and let it be there. It's like your kid. I'm aware of where they're at now. I'm aware of where I'd like them to be. We're not there yet, so we can have a vision for the future. And I think that's beautiful.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:42:26]:
I teach people to do that all the time. If you freaking hate where you're at now, you ain't ever going to get there.
Len Arcuri [00:42:33]:
You're not. And I think the way this all crystallizes for me, the moment if I'm looking like, I rewind when my son was young, let's say when he was 2 or 3, if I'm looking at him and I'm saying, hey, I love you. But if he's seeing in my facial expression heartbreak, right, because he's not who I wanted him to be. I mean, again, there's no question he was taking that in. And only by me eventually realizing that was I able to shift. Because otherwise I felt like by somehow I was motivating him to get better by showing kind of my disapproval. And I used words like, my son's not respecting me if he doesn't do what I'm. I made it all about myself.
Len Arcuri [00:43:13]:
And that's where, again, it's not easy. I think we're all programmed to fail as parents. But with awareness and with intention, you can radically shift and just present to your child what they really need, which is a loving, connected parent. And if you're sitting there just focusing on how I'm going to change my child and I'm not going to be okay until my child achieves some milestone again, that just creates so much stress for you and especially for your. And I just got to a point where I couldn't do it to my son anymore.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:43:44]:
And I think it's beautiful, the awareness. And I think it's completely fine to have that moment and then say to your kiddo, hey, you know what? I love you so much that I'm frustrated that I can't help you more. I'm trying so hard. I know you're trying so hard, and I'm really sorry that I showed up that way two minutes ago. It's just because I love you. And I'm having a hard time figuring out how to go through this because it's challenging for me, too. I think you should be 100% frank to a developmental level. Like we talked about this earlier with my daughter, she's growing.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:44:21]:
We always treat her as an equal. But when she's three, what I could say to her is different than when she's 7, than when she was 12. But when she was 3, I was talking to her like she was 12, and when she was 12, I was talking to her like she was 40. But you figure that out. But we don't need baby talk unless we're goofing around in a game. And it's fun, but, I mean, it's like, really, just be honest. I mean, there's a lack of honesty in the world.
Len Arcuri [00:44:44]:
It's honesty. It's ownership, owning. And again, you could be frustrated. And yes, it demonstrates how much you care, but you can't keep doing that day after day because that will leave a mark as well.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:44:54]:
But if you want to know how to become unfrustrated, the first thing is to just tell the other person that you're frustrated because you love them and then say, I'm sorry for, like, that. I don't right now know how to share it in a different way. Just like that. It shifts everything.
Len Arcuri [00:45:11]:
It's all about modeling what you want, like, whatever you want in them. If you can model it as you started with this whole discussion, that is the most powerful way you're going to ever teach anything. And whether it's ownership and responsibility for what you're feeling or whether it's even, like, the most important thing that, as parents, we want to teach our kids is ultimately, whether they're neurotypical or on the spectrum doesn't really matter. We want to teach our kids that they could be okay even if they don't get what they want, right? That life's going to, 90% of the time, not go their way. And so that that ability to be okay. Even if you don't get what you want, we all want that with our kids. We don't want tantrums and meltdowns. But how could we ever teach them that? If we show them that when things don't go our way, we get pissed off.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:45:56]:
Right?
Len Arcuri [00:45:57]:
So that's where we can't be hypocrites. And it was just so useful for me to see that. Like, hey, whatever. I'm trying to teach my son or my daughter, I can't be hypocritical because that's just going to be incredibly, wildly confusing for them.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:46:09]:
Right? If you are, you own it. Own it because it's real.
Len Arcuri [00:46:14]:
Own it and course.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:46:14]:
Correct? Yes. Own it and course for it. Because that's the thing. If you feel free to just be like, this is normal life, it's okay to have a moment. I love that, though, because then you're modeling. You don't have to be perfect. One of the things that's so interesting is when you study yoga, you study meditation, all these kind of things, there's gurus, and a lot of them are called masters. Right? So I've heard a couple people say this in a similar way.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:46:42]:
What's the difference between everyone else and a master, so to speak?
Len Arcuri [00:46:47]:
I go.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:46:48]:
A master becomes aware that they've come off the path, they've fallen off the horse sooner, and they course correct a little sooner than everybody else. So all it is is awareness and course correction. And the more you practice it, the faster you catch yourself and the more you go back. They're not saying we're perfect. Enlightenment in some of these cultures is not about being perfect. It's about catching that you've kind of gone off. Like, when you look at the root of the word, the Aramaic root of the word sin, it means to miss the mark. It doesn't mean to be a bad son of a bitch.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:47:22]:
It means you just shot an arrow and it was a little off. So what do you do? You course correct because the wind was blowing. All of it's an opportunity to model for your children, model for your partner, and maybe most importantly, model for yourself. That you don't have to be perfect because that's not a thing. But you live your life, and when you notice you're doing it in a way you don't want to do, just change it a little. And if you happen to be off enough that you were kind of an a hole and you might have yelled at your kid or shared anger, just tell them that you screwed up. That's so refreshing. I mean.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:47:54]:
I mean, how many kids do you see? I travel a lot. I see all these kids in the airport getting yelled at by their parents. And I know why they're not paying attention to them, because their parents like checking out. And it's like. But I love this conversation because this is how we get through every day and we uplift our energy. And I'm just thinking about, like you said something earlier, and I was like, when I put nutrients or medicines in my mouth, I want my cells to be open to utilizing them the best possible way. Why don't I need to be nourishing them inside too? I want those cells to be the most open and the most calm. And so this energy is part of the way our body functions.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:48:31]:
So this is a medical treatment and a lifestyle. Just like diet to me is not something you do to lose 10 pounds or to cure autism. Now we use those words, but diet is your eating lifestyle. And the sicker you are, maybe the more you need your lifestyle to be a little more regimented and then you can get some flexibility over time. So all of this is about focusing on emotional awareness, spiritual awareness, and then you can become more flexible over time because it just becomes you, your normal lifestyle.
Len Arcuri [00:49:02]:
I love it. I love it. There's so many great concepts I think that you've covered in this conversation has entered into with the one, I think, that you ended with, with that one example. I really do think, parents, you can take home the fact that you are the guru that you've been looking for, right? And you are leading the way imperfectly because life is imperfect, but it's all about that trajectory, right? Are you getting better? Are you showing your child what growth looks like? Because ultimately that's what we're wanting for them, right? It's for them to progress day to day. And just so much of what you shared, I mean, there's so much within a parent's control to control their state, control how they're showing up. And. And again, as you said at the outset, modeling what you want to teach. And you can't do that if your tank's empty.
Len Arcuri [00:49:50]:
So the idea of filling your. I know a lot of parents recoil at that, like, I don't have time. But again, it's just a guaranteed to burn out unless you're fine with yourself.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:49:59]:
You don't have time not to do it, because if your number one thing isn't you, it's your kid, then think of it this way. If you don't fuel you, you're not doing the best you can for your kiddo. And it doesn't mean that you neglect your kiddo. It means you actually give them more. And so maybe a way to wrap the whole thing, like in NLP and stuff. A lot of people talk about what's the goal of communication. And for me, I was taught that no matter what, they have to listen and hear exactly what you said, get every detail, shove it down their throat. But the question is, is it to have them hear everything you're saying, or is it the response you get? And the question is, at the end of our discussion, what do we want everyone listening to get out of this? I want them to be inspired.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:50:47]:
I want them to live with passion. I want people to shine their light so that then they share their light and shine it to other people. It's like Marianne Williamson's quote, it's our light, not our darkness, that scares us the most. And who are we not to shine our light? But as she goes through it, the thing is, the only way to help other people shine their light is for you to have the courage to shine your light and inspire them and show them it's okay to shine theirs. And so in this world, it's a beautiful place, but it's also a bit of a dark time. So for each. And if I can inspire one person to open their heart and shine their passion and their light and that person, there's a ripple effect. Then I've done my goal.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:51:26]:
It doesn't matter if anybody remembers a word we said. So when we're working with our patients, what I want them to do is follow through and heal. We're working with our kids. Like, I want to teach my daughter how to live in this beautiful world amongst all the bs and how to be safe and feel safe, you know, and so safety is an important thing. We when you live from true love, rather than this love that you feel is going to run away and you're living from your essence inside of you, you're perfectly safe all the time. And then you can heal, and then you can model for your children's safety so they heal. But if you're worried about everything, that's not safety. And so in the end here, my goal is not that everybody remember everything we say.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:52:08]:
That would be, you remember everything I say, but my communication. I want to inspire people to go and live their best life, whatever that means for them. And what I learned with my daughter was I'll share my passions with her and if she's interested in doing the things that I like Doing that's great. But when it's time for her to move to her next thing, that's actually the goal, is for her to live her best life and inspire herself to do things so she can inspire people around her. And that, to me, is what communication is about, is really getting your kids. So when you're working, say more in a practical sense, it's not like bark orders and have your kid follow them. It's like, do whatever it takes to get them to do the thing that lights them up and heals them the most, even if it's unorthodox. And the only way I know how to do that is to come at it from my heart, because then you come up with these creative ideas and it feels amazing.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:53:07]:
And even if it doesn't work out, it feels way more amazing than if I tried really hard. So I love this conversation. Thank you so much.
Len Arcuri [00:53:13]:
So do I. We can keep going. I think that's a great note to end on. And, yeah, I think we brought it full circle from at the beginning, where really the bottom line is, you know, in terms of your child, it's the idea of making invitations to them, not demands. And so often we get into this demand, like parent, like making the demands. And again, that doesn't mean you can't have boundaries and be clear. But again, there's a lightness that I think, you know, putting stuff out there and letting them figure out what they're going to do with it. Right.
Len Arcuri [00:53:43]:
Giving them that agency because none of us like to be pressured to do anything.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:53:47]:
Well, it's like, I mean, you just remind me, as we try to close, remind me of so many other things to talk about, but it's like, would you like lamb chops or steak tonight? Right. And so I want her to choose one of the two things that we want to prepare tonight or that we have in the fridge. It's like, not, what do you want for dinner? So. So you can provide structure and choice.
Len Arcuri [00:54:10]:
I love it. And the final comment I'll make on that is, everyone's got a control bucket. We need to exercise control where we can. So with your child, any opportunities like what you just said, give them two options, right? And they'll be able to exert some preference, some degree of control. Because if your child's going through life where they're constantly being told what to do and there's no agency, they have to make decisions, I mean, that will just push them away. And that's the last thing we want to do as parents. Absolutely awesome. Dr.
Len Arcuri [00:54:41]:
Tom, this was fantastic.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:54:42]:
Thank you so much for having me.
Len Arcuri [00:54:44]:
All right, well, I will definitely say this is not the last time you'll be on the podcast, so look forward to it.
Dr. Tom Moorcroft [00:54:48]:
Honor to be back.
Len Arcuri [00:54:49]:
Thanks so much. Your child needs you Running on all cylinders now, and the fastest way to rise is with personalized one on one support. Get started today. Go to elevatehowyunavigate.com.
