Episode 259 — Prayer Is NOT Enough
Guest: Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez • Date: June 10, 2025
Episode Overview
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez shares why true transformation for parents and children requires faith in motion. He offers a rallying cry to rise up, lean on God, and take bold, consistent action.
About Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez is the founder of Churches in Action, a coalition of over 2,300 churches mobilizing to serve the needy and uplift underserved communities. He has established more than 40 churches — including the “Dream Center” in Los Angeles — and leads initiatives like the Annual Mayor’s Inter-Faith Prayer Breakfast. With advanced degrees in theology, education, and public administration, he empowers parents and faith leaders to rise up, take bold action, and drive lasting change. His message is clear: prayer matters — but it must be paired with courageous, committed action.
🔗 Learn more at www.churchesinaction.net
You’ll Discover
How Churches Can Better Support Families (4:17)
How to Break Free From Guilt and Self-Blame (7:05)
The Power of Surrender + Action (11:10)
The Paradox of God Explained (16:05)
How to Feed Faith, Not Fear (25:17)
Full Transcript
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:00:00]:
How can we give ourselves positive affirmations? I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. If God is for me, who can be against me and repeat those verses that helped Paul when he was in jail, about to die, and Paul was feeding his soul in his mind with the word of God that with God, all things are possible, that we can overcome anything if you focus on the low iron. But we also have to move to action.
Len Arcuri [00:00:30]:
If you're a parent of a child with autism, you are being called to rise with love, courage and clarity. This journey isn't easy and most parents aren't equipped, but you can be. This podcast is your invitation to rise higher because how you navigate matters. I'm Len and this is Autism Parenting Secrets, where you become the parent your child needs now.
Len Arcuri [00:00:55]:
Hello and welcome to Autism Parenting Secrets. It's Len. And this week we're going to go deeper into what really changes outcomes for our kids. Because when we look around, we see things that aren't improving fast enough. It's easy to feel hopeless, but the truth is we're never powerless. And this podcast exists to help you rise above that overwhelm and take bold action and lead with love even when the path is not clear. And this week's guest embodies that mission in a very, very powerful way. So I'm honored to welcome Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez.
Len Arcuri [00:01:36]:
He's a faith driven force for change, a pastor, educator and social justice advocate who's been mobilizing communities for over three decades. As the founder of Churches in Action, he leads a coalition of thousands of churches serving families in need. His life's work proves that faith, when paired with action, transforms lives. This is a powerful conversation that will open your heart and stir you to act. Because the secret this week is prayer is not enough. Welcome, Bishop.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:02:13]:
Thank you. God bless you. We want to lift our voices today on behalf of every person on autism spectrum. Lets their path, their growth, their mental health, their development and their gifts, let them feel that God is with them during this difficult period of time. Because a lot of parents are experiencing loneliness, depression, and so many times they feel like they're at their wits end because in some cases, one of the parents can't go to work. They have to stay home and take care of that child, but nobody wants to take care of the child may be acting up in school and school says, I'm sorry, it's your baby, you take care of it. And it's very difficult for parents nowadays to deal with this situation. I know of cases where newlyweds after they have their child, they have to move with the parents of either the wife or the husband because they can't afford an apartment.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:03:19]:
And the grandparents, you know, they're old, they want to be dealing with all this noise and all this.
Len Arcuri [00:03:27]:
A lot of chaos.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:03:28]:
Chaos, essentially. And so it's a very difficult and sensitive situation. And we're dealing with very fragile families. And sometimes the husband or the wife will come to me and say, I'm really ready to walk out of this marriage because I can't deal with this stress. I'm falling apart.
Len Arcuri [00:03:50]:
It's a uniquely challenging journey. And again, just from a context perspective. We are coming to you, by the way, live from the Autism Health Summit in San Diego. This is a two day conference and Bishop Mendez opened up both days of the conference. Maybe you could explain why are you at an autism conference? Because that may be not the something that would normally be on the schedule.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:04:14]:
Of a person.
Len Arcuri [00:04:16]:
On Palm Sunday.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:04:17]:
On Palm Sunday. Well, I believe that this is very important for our parishioners because, you know, Jesus came with a purpose and his purpose was to make our lives easier. And his mission was accomplished to what the church is doing today. But yet I see that the church is not doing its role in helping parents. And that's why I feel that we need to open rooms such as this one, where the child can be a child and maybe the parent can have like a TV monitor and look at the service while the service is going on. That child is free to express himself or herself in a way where he's not disrupting the service. Because in a lot of churches, when you have a disruptive child, the deacons will come and say, I'm sorry, you can't stay. And that may be the only time that the parent feels some type of relief because they're going to church and they're thinking, God is going to speak to me.
Len Arcuri [00:05:24]:
If there's one place that acceptance will be practiced, you would think might be the church. But in some cases that may not be the case.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:05:32]:
You have autistic children who, they can't control themselves and they're kicking the person in front of them or hitting the people in front of them. That's what autistic children do.
Len Arcuri [00:05:45]:
It is. And that's a big misconception. Right. Some people generally, autism is very hard to understand unless you're living it. And some people may not get that. Those behaviors, those outbursts or whatever the case may be. There's nothing that's intentionally like that child's not intentionally trying to be disruptive. It's just that they are expressing in a certain way.
Len Arcuri [00:06:06]:
And there's lots of reasons why they may be doing that. But it's easy for, I think, others to judge the child. And if you're a parent, you're feeling that judgment from others you're feeling, and that just adds to the stress and the overwhelm a parent may feel. A lot of times parents really kind of put themselves on a course for a stressful journey because of their own judgments of their child or themselves, in addition to what other people are doing. So when you hear the concept of judgment, what these kids need most is acceptance and love and not judgment. They are where they are for very good reasons. And it's not intentional. Their bodies are just exhibiting it a certain way.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:06:54]:
Sometimes children may not fully understand. Understand what's going on in their. In their brains and in their lives, but the parent may feel marginalized.
Len Arcuri [00:07:04]:
Oh, yeah, marginalized for sure.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:07:06]:
The parent may feel like, what did I do wrong? Where did I miss this? And the devil's very good at accusing us and blaming us. Oh, it's because you use drugs. Oh, it's because you drank too much alcohol. It's because, you know, there's so many parents have come up to me and, and told me, you know, I feel so bad because I think I did this and God is punishing me.
Len Arcuri [00:07:33]:
And, and what do you say in those situations?
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:07:36]:
Well, what I tell people in those situations is, is that, you know, if they confess, whatever you need to confess, and. And then God will. Is faithful to forgive you and just, you know, go on with your life. But Christ came to save us. You know, he didn't come to condemn us. We were already condemned. So that's what I tell the parents. I said, you know, in our faith, you know, we believe that the confession is good for the soul, but it's also important that you forgive yourself and that you don't feel like you made this child the way he is.
Len Arcuri [00:08:10]:
Right.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:08:11]:
Because, you know, there's so many variables to end up with a child with autism. You know, as I have listened this during this conference of all the food, vaccinations, mother's milk, environmental toxins, you know, I'm coming with a new perspective on autism. And I see, you know, a lot, a lot of parents who give the responsibility to the husband because they have a very active child and the woman is very fragile and frail, and they say, well, you're going to have to quit working on them and you're going to have to take care of him because he knocked me down. And so there you have a situation where the father or the husband is not able to work the child. And it's very difficult for a lot of these young families to deal with a child that's not acting up the way you would expect or you would want, but it's not his fault, right?
Len Arcuri [00:09:16]:
Yeah. No, there's no doubt. Many parents go down that road. I know I did with shame, guilt, feeling. In some way I was the cause or the major contributor. And as you said. Right. There's lots of potential causes.
Len Arcuri [00:09:29]:
And I learned, okay, it's not my. That's not for me to bear. I mean, I can make. I can maybe have some regret over probably past decisions that may have had some influence on what happened. But staying in guilt and shame and that self blame doesn't help anybody. Right. It doesn't help you, the parent. It doesn't help your child, especially.
Len Arcuri [00:09:52]:
And I feel like. I know for me, I felt like kind of beating myself up with those kind of feelings in some way was helping me to be better. But what I've learned is that you don't need shame and guilt to show up more powerfully and more lovingly for your child. And so I feel like that was a big shift for me to actually stop kind of putting that pressure on myself, which again, was not helping me to be a better person, a better father, a better husband. It was really just adding the weight that was making everything much harder for me.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:10:26]:
And it's important for parents to be able to read the word of God and find hope in our Lord and in the scriptures, because so many parents are going through depression because they feel like, what am I supposed to do? I've tried this, I've tried that, and nothing seems to be working. And so our faith needs to help us during those difficult times so that we can continue to labor in this endeavor. It's very difficult. I see the parents and I see the children throwing things and going wild and. And some of them would call me and say, I need you to do an exorcism. I go, I don't need to do an exorcism. You don't.
Len Arcuri [00:11:16]:
Look, from their standpoint, it seems like that might be a good option. But again, in this conference, there's so many things that are contributing to why a child may be presenting in that dramatic way. But when we think about the title of this episode, which is a little bit provocative because there's no question from a parent's perspective, and everyone has different faiths and different degrees to which they believe in God, how they practice, everyone, I think, kind of get behind the idea that prayer is a useful thing, right? It may differ from person to person, but the idea that prayer is not enough is meant to convey that, yes, pray, but it really does come down to action. And then within the autism community, there's sometimes confusion with parents between, well, I want to honor who my child is, accept them for who they are. And sometimes that means, okay, no interventions, no anything. Just, you know, let your child be exactly as they are. So that's one extreme. Then you have the other extreme of the parent who throws money at every possible intervention is trying to actively change the child.
Len Arcuri [00:12:31]:
And I know I was kind of in that camp where I lied to myself and others where I said, I love my son. I really didn't. I loved the version I wanted him to become, not who he was. So the spot to be in is accepting your child for who they are, as they are right now, practicing unconditional love, which is what they need most, is your love as a strong, loving parent, but then also taking actions that meet the child where they are and that try to help them to do what you can do as a parent to help them thrive. And I feel like some parents, because of not wanting to change the child, they don't take any actions. And then on the other extreme, you have parents who won't stop doing an incredible, like, maybe too much that is in some way kind of not accepting their child and wanting this different version of them. So what are your thoughts on that?
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:13:32]:
My thoughts on that is, you know, our human beings are very complex. And, you know, the challenges that parents are facing today are very different than the challenges that my parents faced. I remember when I was a teacher back in the 80s, our biggest problem was kids running in the hallway. We would have faculty meeting because kids are running in the hallway. Today we're dealing with kids with guns. You know, today we're thinking of, is there an active shooter on our campus? We'll be dealing with fentanyl. We're dealing with all these drug issues, all these problems. There is a myriad of problems.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:14:21]:
So parents today have a very, very difficult time. And on top of that, you had the children that are suffering from autism. And so the ideals that parents have when they're about to have a child, oh, my doctor. My son is going to be a doctor. Oh, my. My daughter's going to be an engineer. And those ideals. And when they see that child that is not living up to their dreams, and expectations.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:14:47]:
It's devastating. And parents think, you know, what can I do? And like you said, you know, a lot of parents want to throw a lot of money into a problem. Other parents just throw their arms up in the air and say, I give up my. And then you have parents that just simply don't care. Do whatever you want. And that's not healthy for that child either because they need to learn limits. Like we heard from some of our presenters.
Len Arcuri [00:15:19]:
Sure.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:15:20]:
That there needs to be a paradigm. We need to separate things and correct behaviors. Little one step at a time.
Len Arcuri [00:15:31]:
We need to guide.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:15:32]:
We need to guide and support. And we saw the witness the testimonies of young people that have overcome many of those challenges. And that's very powerful to me to know that there is hope because those parents took action.
Len Arcuri [00:15:50]:
Yes.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:15:51]:
They didn't just cross their arms and said, oh well, no, this is parents that to look for solutions. That went out there and saw, what is it that I can do? You have Tracy with the warrior mom. You have all this other people. And then I'm writing a book on the paradox of God.
Len Arcuri [00:16:12]:
The paradox of God.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:16:13]:
The paradox of God. And God is a God of paradoxes. And it just seems that if you want to go up, you got to go down. And how does that help me to understand my God? Well, it helps me by thinking.
Len Arcuri [00:16:33]:
God.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:16:34]:
What would you like me to do? What is it? Give me wisdom, give me discernment, give me knowledge. And asking God for his guidance and support in asking his holy spirit to speak to our hearts and, and say, lord, you know, I, I, I need you to, to help me to knock on the right doors. I'll bring the doctors that can help me because not all the doctors are willing to help you with, with this, with this situation. A lot of doctors are clueless as to what to do. And, and, and sometimes you have these children who, who are drugged all day and they're sleeping all day. That's not good for the child. We just can't drop them up.
Len Arcuri [00:17:21]:
That's right.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:17:22]:
And so it's very challenging to think that there's no hope. There is hope. Let's look at what can I do? What is it, Lord, that you want me to do? I'm not going to run into despair. I'm going to be as efficient as I possibly can. Give me the strength every day and take it one day at a time. Take it one day at a time. Don't worry about a year from now. Worry about today.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:17:53]:
And my spiritual mentor, Mr. Harold Bradson, he Had a very good expression. Tough times never last. Tough people. And how can we give ourselves positive affirmations? I can do all things through Christmas. Strengthens me. If God is for me, who can be against me and repeat those verses that helped Paul when he was in jail, about to die, and Paul was feeding his soul and his mind with the word of God, that with God, all things are possible, that we can overcome anything if we focus on the Lord. But we also have to move to action.
Len Arcuri [00:18:39]:
That's right. And that's why that toughness that you mentioned is important. It's mental toughness. It's also having beliefs that are supportive. Right? So whether it's beliefs in God, beliefs in what's possible for your child, beliefs in yourself. So that's where the actions that you're talking about and the idea of a parent taking action doesn't just mean interventions like therapies or supplements or some of the stuff that's being presented here. A lot of the action really just comes down to how you're operating as a parent. Right.
Len Arcuri [00:19:14]:
Like your own operating system, your own way of responding. And that's where parents can take so much control over how they're showing up each and every day.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:19:25]:
And also having support, husband and wife supporting each other. Let me give you an afternoon off. I'll handle it. Tomorrow you'll have the afternoon off so that they can go in and also recoup and renew. So that not one. One child is. That child is not left to one parent. So that parent becomes overwhelmed with the challenges.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:19:53]:
Because we have some. Some people, they will say, well, I go to work every day. Well, what about the parent that stays with that child and has to babysit that child that goes wild and crazy and disrupts everything? That's a lot of work.
Len Arcuri [00:20:13]:
Unbelievably difficult.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:20:15]:
And so we need to be understanding of each other's burdens and help each other with our burdens. And I think that's important for parents to be able to find that support. And having parents also pray for one another. Honey, let me pray for you. Let me pray for you. I know you're going through a lot, but let me lift you up in prayer. And it's important that during those quiet moments that we lifted each other up in prayer and give each other support.
Len Arcuri [00:20:52]:
It's easy to miss all those steps if you're just focusing with television on your child. It's easy to not appreciate the spouse and to nourish the relationship again, because usually what a parent might be dealing with is just so chaotic and so draining. That's why I know the autism diagnosis can bring many things, not just about your child, but as you mentioned at the outset, depression, you hear a lot of that from a parent perspective. And also between parents relationship can really go south. Right. If it's not actively nurtured. And so I'm guessing with a lot of the people that come to you. Right, those are pretty consistent problems that you see over and over.
Len Arcuri [00:21:39]:
Correct.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:21:40]:
Because parents can't take vacations. Because you have a child that's not going to be comfortable in an airplane, that's not going to be comfortable in a car, you know, in a long trip, that child's going to go bunkers inside the car. What can they do? It's the expectations of what is that child going to do? And then you also have that child that doesn't speak. And that was one of the things that I mentioned yesterday during my holiday was, you know, the silence. It speaks because at least that child, that it's thunder and lightning and earthquakes and fire. Well, he's. What about that child that just will go to that corner and just stay there? You ask him what he wants, just look at you. And that breaks my heart when I see that child just bundled up in a corner and doesn't understand anything.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:22:46]:
And who knows what that child's suffering in those quiet moments.
Len Arcuri [00:22:53]:
Yeah, no, they could be suffering or they could be just in their own world and maybe content. You don't know, you don't know. You don't know. And we've had many episodes with some dynamite providers who are helping to give a voice to those non speakers who don't demonstrate that they understand what's happening, but they really are taking it all in. And now with some assisted communication modalities, these kids who are kind of marginalized and kind of just dismissed are demonstrating how intelligent, how connected they are, even if their affect is not showing it.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:23:28]:
And I have heard stories of some of these children who injure themselves to the point where they, where they kill themselves because, you know, they go and start throwing things and they throw themselves out the second story window because they have no idea of what dangers are out there.
Len Arcuri [00:23:50]:
Right.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:23:51]:
And they just. And so I feel for those parents that are going through a lot and conferences like this one are important for parents so they can learn how to maneuver these waters. Because these are very dangerous times.
Len Arcuri [00:24:09]:
Absolutely. No doubt, no doubt. And that's why it's key for a parent to bring their best self forward, their most resilient, their toughest self and that's why this concept of surrender, right? I mean, I know at least as a parent, I wanted to take control of everything and basically make good decisions and help my child, my son, thrive. But it was the type of thing where I said, I won't be happy till autism's gone. And that created an incredible amount of stress. So what I've learned, I would love to get your take, is that for me, the key really is surrendering to his will, surrendering to, hey, here's my child as they are now, I will love my child unconditionally with no expectation of where they need to get to. But with that surrender first, which is so important, then to take courageous action that may be something that other people aren't approving or maybe something that's a little more off the beaten path. So it's that surrender coupled with diligence and taking actions that meet your child's needs.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:25:18]:
And as you're speaking, I keep thinking of what Jesus did when he was on this earth. We have this master of the law who came to Jesus and the disciples said, don't bother the master because your daughter is dead. And Jesus didn't mind him bothering you. There's no father for us to come to the Lord. You know, he can handle it. You know, he's good at handling our. And he said, let the children come to me and hinder them not. And so it's important that parents keep the faith.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:26:01]:
It's important that you continue to feed your faith, not your fears, because the devil will come to you and feed your fears and more fear. Fear is the opposite of faith. And the more you feed your faith and how you can feed your faith through reading the word of God, reading scriptures that will lift up your soul. To think that it's possible that God can do a miracle for your child, because God can do. God can heal. We saw the testimonies of kids that are going to Costa Rica and that beautiful young lady that sang, and I was very impressed with their talents. So I hope that our children segment is important to the people and that people will feel that there is hope out there, but they can't just stay still, right? That's right.
Len Arcuri [00:27:08]:
God can do anything. But that doesn't mean that we can just sit and watch, right? So that's where courageous action, determined action, diligence. And again, that can mean very different things depending on the child and the parent. But yes, now he can do anything.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:27:27]:
Yes, yes, yes, yes. And there are miracles out there. I believe in a God of miracles. And I'll tell you, on February 26th, I was doing a press conference with Mel Gibson, and all of a sudden I collapsed. And I was dead for two minutes. No pulse, no breathing. When they revived me and I came back, they transported me to the hospital. The hospital.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:27:58]:
All the doctors were giving me tests, MRIs, EKGs, and I don't know what else they were doing to me. And all the doctors were like, what a miracle. You came back to life. So if God can resurrect a dead person, he can do anything. He truly can. Yeah.
Len Arcuri [00:28:16]:
Well, I'm glad you're okay. Thank you for sharing that. And. And yes, so much is possible. Which is why parents who are listening. Right. Whatever your faith is, don't give up.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:28:29]:
Don't give up, don't give in. Because God is a God of miracles. And he's the same today, yesterday, and forever. The same God that raised that young lady from the bed of death. The same God that raised the son of the widow of Nunn, and the same God that raised Lazarus. If he can resurrect the dead, he can do anything.
Len Arcuri [00:28:56]:
That's right. Absolutely. Amen. And yeah, it comes down to, what are you consuming as a parent? And it's easy to just consume fear and have shame and guilt from the past. Fear the future, or faith. Faith. Right. And letting go a little bit so that you can show up even stronger.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:29:15]:
Feed your faith, not your fears, and move from prayer to action.
Len Arcuri [00:29:20]:
Amen. A fitting way to end discussion.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:29:22]:
Be blessed.
Len Arcuri [00:29:23]:
Bishop Mendez, thank you.
Bishop Juan Carlos Mendez [00:29:25]:
God bless.
Len Arcuri [00:29:25]:
Bless you.
Len Arcuri [00:29:26]:
Your child needs you. Running on all cylinders now. And the fastest way to rise is with personalized one on one support. Get started today. Go to elevatehowyounavigate.com.
