Episode 220 — Parent Coaching Is The CATALYST
Guests: Katy & Brian • Date: September 5, 2024
Episode Overview
In this inspiring episode, parents Katy and Brian share how their twin daughters with autism made extraordinary progress — not because of a new therapy or supplement, but because they changed first.
Their story was featured in the Journal of Personalized Medicine as part of a peer-reviewed case study documenting the impact of personalized parent coaching.
They share what shifted for them, how they learned to lead with clarity and calm, and why transformation in the parent always precedes transformation in the child.
About Katy & Brain
Katy and Brian are ALL-IN parents to twin girls diagnosed with Autism in September 2021, who are now thriving.
You’ll Discover
What changed once they focused on their own mindset first. (2:35)
The specific breakthroughs that followed their parent transformation. (7:42)
What it looked like to truly “go all in.” (11:58)
The role of faith and self-regulation in creating calm at home. (15:27)
Why personalized guidance outperforms one-size-fits-all programs. (21:06)
How their daughters’ progress redefined what’s possible for other families. (27:43)
Referenced in This Episode
Full Transcript
Katy [00:00:00]:
It's really, really hard. We have often said, hey, I'd like to tell you the silver bullet, but there is none. And you all know that just like we do. It's complex, it's highly organic, it's very individual. So I said once, and I mean felt like we were navigating a galaxy with a flashlight as our only tool. I mean, it really meant you're going to have to be all in. And you say that so often. I hope it's not lost, that that is absolutely what it takes.Katy [00:00:33]:
And so, yes, that all in attitude meant that it was the most important thing that we were invested in in those three years. Wow. Look what can happen in three years. Three years. It made me. It's shocked me. There are many, many, many things that parents can do, but it's the actionable part. And what did that take? It took changing our lives, and it took making it the most important thing.
Cass Arcuri [00:01:04]:
Want to truly be the best parent you can be and help your child thrive after their autism diagnosis? This podcast is for all in parents like you who know more is possible for your child.
Len Arcuri [00:01:15]:
With each episode, we reveal a secret that empowers you to be the parent your child needs now, saving you time, energy, and money and helping you focus on what truly matters most. Your child.
Cass Arcuri [00:01:26]:
I'm Cass.Len Arcuri [00:01:27]:
And I'm Len.Cass Arcuri [00:01:28]:
Welcome to Autism Parenting Secrets.
Len Arcuri [00:01:42]:
Hello and welcome to Autism Parenting Secrets. Cass and I are thrilled to have Katie and Brian on the show this week. Trust me, you will not want to miss what they have to share. And they're shining examples of what's possible when parents take the lead in their transformation. And Cass and I have had the privilege of walking alongside many incredible moms and dads, including Katie and Brian. Every story is unique and inspiring, but theirs involving their twin girls, made headlines a few months ago when it was featured in a study published in the Journal of Personalized Medicine. The study was titled Reversal of Autism Symptoms among Dizygotic Twins through a Personalized Lifestyle and Environmental Modification Approach. A case report and review of the literature.Len Arcuri [00:02:33]:
So, in short, these amazing twin girls diagnosed with autism made and continue to make huge strides. And it's a heartwarming, inspiring, and incredibly important story. And it's deeply informative because the transformation that occurred for this family was no accident. And it wasn't luck. It was real and thoroughly documented every step of the way. The secret this week is parent coaching is the catalyst. Welcome, Brian and Katie.Katy [00:03:04]:
Thank you.Brian [00:03:05]:
Thanks.Cass Arcuri [00:03:06]:
First of all, I'm crying Len when you introduce them. So Katie and Brian Just fill us in, like, everything. And we're just so honored and privileged to have walked this journey with you. But your girls are just amazing gifts. But you having that diagnosis of autism, when that first happened, what was that like for you and what's it like now?Katy [00:03:30]:
I'll jump in. You know, before we get into all those details, it is sort of surreal to be having this conversation with you all as well. So definitely feel that emotional energy. Cass. You know, I. I can literally remember the very first call that we had with you all, and I remember being so upside down. This diagnosis and. And what was happening was honestly, you know, there's.Katy [00:04:07]:
There's a little bit of trauma that comes with finding out that these two perfect human beings that you brought into the world are facing something that sounds and presents with such seriousness and a diagnosis that we honestly knew so very little about. And, you know, I can remember that first call, and it was literally the beginning of a little bit of light. And of course, as we moved through an incredible year and we needed a full year of the coaching that you all provide to really get our sea legs, to really understand who we were, how important we were to the outcome that we believed was possible in the face of everything that we were being told. And, you know, Len knows. I mean, it was weeks and weeks and weeks of conversations and the intimacy that we got to know each other and the good fortune that you all actually came and met the girls. It's pretty crazy. So thank you so much for inviting us on. Really important to share.Len Arcuri [00:05:34]:
Well, yeah, no, it's totally our honor. And again, you both showed up early, and I appreciate what you're saying, Katie, but like lots of parents, everyone's kind of rocked a little bit and wanting to get orientated in a way that's going to help. And every parent's uniquely gifted, and you both absolutely were incredibly gifted. You showed up extremely strong, but in many ways, perhaps not equipped and stuck. So when you go back to the beginning there, Katie, is there anything in particular or Brian that either of you thought was particularly, like, perplexing or something that you felt was in the way?Katy [00:06:14]:
You know, I would say it's just the diagnosis itself. I mean, you all. I'm an avid listener, obviously, and I think this is a question that you ask many of the folks that you bring into your conversations. You know, what was it like? How did you know? How did your diagnosis get presented? And I think that's an important part because having someone say to you, after a couple hours of observation and a lot of documents and forms that you fill out as the parent, that your child has a disorder that has no cure, that they will have for the rest of their lives, and that you are looking at referrals that are pretty basic. No one's actually saying, well, here's what happened, or here's perhaps a root cause. And then it's topped off with my favorite. And here's a referral for marital counseling. And, I mean, just that alone is enough to tell you, okay, we're into something heavy.Katy [00:07:29]:
And I feel like, you know, for Brian and I, we're no different than anyone in your audience who walks in that day. Whether you're walking in at 18 months, 3 years old, 7 years old, whatever it is, and being told something. You know, thank God we have these primal instincts as parents, because we looked at each other and went, yeah, we were concerned, but we just simply couldn't believe that what we were being told was it was incurable.Cass Arcuri [00:08:04]:
Well, and you also got it as a double diagnosis. I'm like, here are these beautiful twin girls, and it's not just one. It's both that got that diagnosis. So, like, to have, you know, for the trauma of that, you know, the trauma of the diagnosis alone is just hard. But then you. They're giving it to both of your girls.Katy [00:08:27]:
No, that's a really good point. I mean, you know, that's a double whammy. And on top of that, we were already ambitious. Right. We have five children for very important and personal reasons. We said after our third, we want to have more children in our. In our lives, and that there's some optimism right there. Right.Katy [00:08:52]:
And it took us a while, and so we have an age spread that certainly, I think, for convention, people would say, wow, you guys were really intentional about this. And that's a very big part of our story. We were very intentional about wanting to love more children. So to your point early on, Len. Yeah, I mean, I think we came in pretty armed up with what it takes to jump back into parenting children again at that young age. But, you know, we certainly had no, obviously understanding that we were going to be parenting with children who had such medical complexity and both. And both different.Brian [00:09:42]:
I'll jump in and say, in a way, the diagnosis was a relief to start with. I, you know, we. I wasn't sure if, you know, I wasn't sure what was wrong, and if, you know, if this wasn't just a. You know, there was a part of me that's saying, no, this is something. It's just a phase they're going to get through. And, and I think, you know, having the diagnosis, even though it's not news that you want, is news that you can start to take action on. And I don't think we would have been catalyzed to start the journey of exploration and, and really arming ourselves with the knowledge and the network that we, that ultimately helped us get to where we got had we not had that, you know, that catalyst.Katy [00:10:39]:
So I think that's important. You know, if you have listeners who are maybe not there yet, you know, you do have to look it in the teeth. And that's, that's what walking in to that appointment was. And we pushed hard for that. We were in pretty much the height of, you know, the pandemic as, you know, you couldn't get a doctor's appointment for anything short of something, you know, critical or highly urgent. And once we had enough insight, just because we weren't new parents, we have some experience that this was beyond our wheelhouse. We were then forward facing on, pulling every string we could to get the diagnosis. So, yeah, you're right, there was a sense of, okay, now we've got this.Katy [00:11:30]:
But then there was the what are we going to do with it?Len Arcuri [00:11:35]:
Right, yeah, no, the diagnosis can absolutely be useful in terms of, okay, this is what they're seeing, here's an assessment. And as long as it doesn't go too far where for some people that defines their child and it changes things in a negative way. So you took it as information and then got to that point of, okay, what do we do next? Which is where again, I think all parents are stuck initially because of the lack of information or even too much information. So as you got your sea legs and got orientated, you know, what areas did you think early on were the most important to focus on? Or what root causes do you think? You know, what, or what root causes do you think were in your mind early on that you said, we need to do something about this?Katy [00:12:25]:
Yeah, I mean, you know, I think we had two kiddos, you know, pretty much displaying behaviors that ran the entire gamut of what people would consider red flags. So we had one twin who was showing all the rigidity, anxiety, tantrums, a lot of things that would just, you know, capture, I'm sure, plenty of people's experience with asd. Then we had another twin who was doing a lot of the other things, repetitive behaviors, sensory seeking. I mean, we really pretty much could check every box out there between two kiddos. And because they are fraternal that makes sense. But, you know, they shared obviously identical conception, gestation, birth, more or less birth experience. So there is something interesting and what we've always kind of looked at as. As a real truth is, you know, each kid is highly unique, and we have two with some very shared, you know, similar platforms, but yet present entirely differently.Katy [00:13:43]:
Completely differently. So that meant we had to be, you know, we really had to double down on our own education. And it's interesting to me that in the beginning, you know, you're kind of served something that has basically the very conventional definition of what the children were diagnosed with. And once we could get all a handle on that, then we had to step back and say, now wait a minute, this is convention. Where are we going to look at this and say, maybe not all of this is correct. Maybe not everything we were just told in that appointment applies. Maybe some of these tests only look at certain facets of whom our child is or what might be impacting our child.
Brian [00:14:40]:
But I think so. So I will say that I had.Len Arcuri [00:14:43]:
A.Brian [00:14:46]:
You know, I had an impression when I heard the diagnosis of what that meant. It wasn't until we started then kind of doing, you know, and I think you do what everyone does, right? You go to the Internet and you start. You start researching terms, and then you realize, wait, there is a full spec. There's a reason why, like, why they call it a spectrum disorder. And it manifests in a lot of different ways, which rang true for what we were observing. And we realized, okay, there's a lot of, you know, I think you're right. There is a lot of information out there. But I.Brian [00:15:20]:
But I think, you know, we quickly came across your podcast. We came across a couple of other things, and we. We binged, right? We binged until we. We started to get a sense that, okay, we're. We're not alone here. There's. There was actually a lot more that's gone on that we weren't aware of. And I think ultimately, with the kind of the discussion with you guys and fast forwarding a little bit to, you know, some of the other things we came across reading Patty Lemmer's book and the Total Load Theory, it rang true to us that, you know, there were a lot of manifestations that were different in the girls, but ultimately there were a few things we could affect to include their environment, what goes in their body, what surrounds them.Brian [00:16:12]:
Those were positive actions that I think we could take. And a lot of what you both talk about all the time are those things that you can do and so I think that's where we started. We started with a commitment to say, hey, if there is a 10% chance, what is it going to take for us to do to be in that 10%? And then what are the things we can start doing? Now? We know it's going to take us a while to catch up and get smarter on this, but what are the things that we can start controlling right away? And I think that catered to our mutual sense of and bias to action. And so that's kind of what we did.Katy [00:17:00]:
Yeah, I think you're right on to revisit that. You know, there was no one burning more midnight oil, looking at, you know, researching everything that we could find, and then, you know, beginning to understand there was another way to think about this than what we walked out of that appointment with. So, you know, that that was the beginning. And Brian made a reference to this 10%. You know, there's a lot of crummy statistics out there, and it's hard for parents to navigate, you know, what's true, what's not true. But one of the statistics we read is that maybe only 10% of children who get this diagnosis are recovered. We looked at each other and said, okay, well, then we'll be doing, you know, our journey is going to look 90% different than anyone else because we clearly have to be in the 10%. And that began with saying, I'm going to need some coaching on this.Katy [00:17:59]:
I'm going to need someone who's been in my shoes, who is going to help me understand my next steps. And, you know, having a pandemic, obviously, you know, did not net positive for many, many people. But for us, it slowed things down. And if had we not slowed down, had we not had to go on pause, I really think that that's where I said, okay. I couldn't get an appointment with a speech therapist. You know, regardless of what I was willing to do, it wasn't out there or an OT or a PT or anything else. That was just, you know, there in my hands, walking out of that diagnostic. But we found you, and I could get an appointment.Katy [00:18:52]:
And I was like, all right, we're gonna. Even if it feels like I'm. All I'm doing right now is treading water, and I'm not sure this is gonna move the needle. I'm going to talk to someone. I'm gonna start figuring this out with people who have done this. And so I know exactly the day that I made that first phone call with you guys, and that's how important it was.Cass Arcuri [00:19:16]:
Well, Katie, if I remember correctly, there was something about, I'm going to reach out to parents who are ahead of where I am from a perspective. And I think when you leave a diagnosis with doctors who are trained to diagnose kids, you're given that standard playbook. But as you were guys were saying, like, that wasn't good enough for you. So to actually. Because a lot of the things that can move the needle are the things that most doctors who've been trained to give you an eye roll about. Because I remember having a conversation about changing, you know, food for rye, like, changing his diet. And they looked at me with like, yeah, waste your time, but go for it. You know, go ahead.Cass Arcuri [00:20:00]:
You can try, but you're going to waste your time. Which for me, you know, food was a huge transformation. Pie for rye, which I've also seen it be transformative for other families. So you, you know, doing your homework and doing your research and reaching out to parents who've gone this journey who kind of, you know, you get to trailblaze, you know, definitely there's upsides to all of that.Katy [00:20:24]:
Yeah. It's funny, I. I mean, I honestly feel like, you know, this is crazy, but I. I listened so carefully with such intensity to your sharing of how things worked with Rye. I mean, I literally soaked up so much of that, and that was huge in knowing that working with you and Lynn was the right fit. The compassion of knowing that I was talking to two people who had been in my shoes, our shoes. And, yeah, I mean, that's a pretty unique thing. I don't know how much other research is out there on who's doing what you do, but we were very lucky because it was literally at the beginning of our journey.Katy [00:21:14]:
And that for us became, for me, became a way to take it all in and to be able to say, okay, you know, hey, Brian, here's what I learned today. This is what I think we should be considering. And he was relying on me to do a little bit of that reconnaissance, you know, what. What is out there? So, yeah, it really, for us, it started with those conversations. Then, of course, you know, as we began to understand more and more about the options we actually had, how to be more empowered in our decision making, how to individualize what felt right. Of course, we, you know, could then be curate a way that we were going to approach this, the way our family was going to, you know, support the girls. And, you know, that has led to many, you know, many things that have completely changed our lifestyle. But, you know, we're here to say it's also given us these incredible results, and I think we are all benefiting as a family, as a couple.
Katy [00:22:34]:
Our daughters have clearly amazed us. And, yeah, there's no going back.
Len Arcuri [00:22:41]:
Well, you both obviously have paved the way for that. And I think what was striking to me when you both started was that you both came in again with determination, with the drive, and which, again, Cass and I couldn't give that to you. You showed up with that, and you mentioned about personalization for the girls, right, where autism is so challenging in the sense that it looks so wildly different from person to person. Every child is so unique, and you need to meet them where they are. It's the same for you both, where you both showed up differently, powerfully in many ways, but you were both different, which is why that personalization is so key, not only for your daughters, but also for each of you. And I loved how much that you both really coming in, were able to divide and conquer really well and to partner. So I think that's something that I think a lot of our listeners might benefit from hearing a little bit more about. How did you two operate? How did you two coordinate and kind of do this together, but bringing your own gifts uniquely to.
Len Arcuri [00:23:49]:
To the problem solving?
Katy [00:23:52]:
You know, I think if your listeners could see us, we're both, you know, kind of smiling, because for me, there was this pivotal moment, you know, vacillating between being super overwhelmed and, you know, sure enough, the more you dig in, sometimes the bigger it seems, right? And then you get to kind of this place. I remember saying, oh, my God, I don't want to be in charge of this. This is a lot. I mean, I'm in charge of a lot of things already. Hot potato. I wanted Brian to be the lead. And here we were as a couple. We were both digging in, but.
Katy [00:24:28]:
But it was becoming evident someone had to be the lead. And I saw it as something so incredibly complex, requiring so much research, so much time. You know, I really believed in something that, Cass, I think you said once, you know, my goal is to walk into every appointment knowing almost as much as the person I'm meeting with. If I can't know as much because I can't get a PhD overnight, I'm going to know the vocabulary, and I'm going to be literally, I will be asking the questions, and I'll be driving. So to be that way. All I could see was it was going to take, you know, learning so much. And I thought, well, here's Brian. Brian's really smart.
Katy [00:25:16]:
He's really good at this stuff. It's his wheelhouse. He's a good researcher. I'm going to just. Hot potato. It's yours. And he was like, katie, I can't. I mean, someone's got to work.
Katy [00:25:28]:
And this is taking you literally. It was my job, so. But the pivotal moment for me was something that I still today realize. We made the right decision. Our journey has been based on building relationships. And I don't know how many people will think that that's a critical part of their success, but it absolutely. Every door that is opened for our daughters, every gain and advancement and therapy and modality has been because we were able to introduce ourselves, show up as, you know, present, prepared, eager, effective. And that is all about building relationships, right? And I realized my husband is really good at all the things that I just said, but I was better at that piece.
Katy [00:26:27]:
Even though my ChatGPT skills aren't as great. I'm not awesome with spreadsheets and Excel. Excel, not great at data collection, but I do. I had the ability to invest in building relationships. And so I took on the CEO role. He took on cfo, coo, and that's how we conquered it. And so thinking about your listeners, yes, that isn't everybody's thing. And people take on different roles, but in figuring it out, we had to figure out that one principle, and it was going to be about building relationships.
Katy [00:27:12]:
And so it then said, okay, that's the hat I'll wear.
Cass Arcuri [00:27:17]:
Well. And Katie, I must say, with every single call that we had, you always came in curious and empowered and ready to learn and ready to speak, step up. Which isn't a lot of times when you have a diagnosis with autism, you just defer and you never deferred and you always took that driver's seat. Because let's. Let's be honest. Len and I can only support. But you're the one taking action. You're the one making those connections.
Cass Arcuri [00:27:48]:
You are the one making sure your daughters have everything done. Because it's one thing to learn something, it's another thing to do it. And you have been a doer from the get go of this. You and Brian together have been the doers. But I just have to commend you because you always, always, nothing overwhelmed you, because you were ready and willing to kind of do whatever you needed to do to support your girls and to support your family.Len Arcuri [00:28:14]:
And if I can just add on top of that, I totally agree with everything Cass just said, but you are Also, always prepared, showed up on time for the calls. And I say on time not because of me not wanting to be inconvenienced, but you showed up ready and prepared. And if you could do that for the coach calls, of course you are going to do that across the board with all those relationships that you mentioned that you were cultivating, all those practitioners that you are working with. So, again, I think there's just a way that you are navigating and decision making and partnering with Brian. That is there's so much for parents to learn. And again, that is what this podcast is about. It's what our coaching's about. But, yeah, you really exemplified it and put it into action.Len Arcuri [00:28:58]:
And again, whatever happened with your girls maybe wasn't something that you could directly control, but how you both were navigating it, you were creating that space for you to make better decisions, to be more present with your girls, to be even more effective with what you were choosing to put into action. And again, that's something where you just had those capabilities and you leverage them, you know, for the benefit of your whole family.Brian [00:29:26]:
Yeah, I mean, I think. I think probably if I were speaking directly to everyone listening right now, what I would say is that that 10% figure we were given is not. I don't believe that's the population that's recoverable. I think it's much higher than that. I think the 10% says more about the attitude and resourcing of. Of the parents, what they're able to do and what they're willing to do. I think that's the difference maker. So what we, you know, the secret then that we discovered was that it isn't this tiny percentage that's actually recoverable.
Brian [00:30:09]:
It's that the tiny percentage are those that can actually, as Cass was saying, do the research and take the action.
Katy [00:30:17]:
Yeah. And to Brian's point, it's because it's hard. It's really, really hard. And so, you know, we have often said, hey, I'd like to tell you the silver bullet, but there is none. And you all know that just like we do. It's complex, it's highly organic, it's very individual. So I said once, and I mean, felt like we were navigating a galaxy with a flashlight as our only tool. I mean, it really meant, you know, you're going to have to be all in.
Katy [00:30:53]:
And you say that so often, I hope it's not lost, that that is absolutely what it takes. And so, yes, you know, that all in attitude meant that it was the Most important thing that we were invested in in those three years. Wow, look what can happen in three years. Three years. It made me, it's, it's shocked me. There are many, many, many things that parents can do. They're at. But it's the actionable part.
Katy [00:31:27]:
And what did that take? It took changing our lives and it took making it the most important thing. We've been very lucky. We have three other kids. No one else had any health issues. That forced us to shift our focus. We did not have health issues and that would have absolutely changed our focus. We were able to live, I think, pretty mindfully that, you know, we could make the most important thing our daughter's support and well being.
Brian [00:32:01]:
Right. But I, I think the other thing is what we realized, this thing of going in and knowing more or as much as, you know, we weren't getting fantastic advice across the board. We saw the specialists in the area. It took us over a year to get an appointment with the specialists who basically were more than happy to tell us that any improvements we were seeing from our daughters was just masking. Right. It wasn't real because nobody recovers from this. And we both walked out shaking our heads saying that was a waste of our time.Katy [00:32:41]:
Yeah, that's a very interesting experience. You know, it felt like we should ask for a second opinion after we got our first diagnosis. But lo and behold, it took a little over a year plus to get a second opinion just because of the backlog. And, you know, we weren't waiting around. So we immediately jumped in. And just in that 14 month window, we had already shifted quite a bit. Many, many behaviors had then disappeared altogether, dissipated greatly. So when we walked in for that second opinion on our initial diagnosis, you know, we were told that somehow our soon to be three year olds were masking.
Katy [00:33:24]:
And I thought, wow, I must not know what that term means because I thought that it was kind of a very sophisticated thing that someone much older was capable of doing two and three quarters. Wow, already masking. That's pretty impressive because in my experience with preschoolers, they're the least masked people out there. Like, you want to be Superman that day? You're Superman. And so I just remember Brian and I were like. And that was the pinnacle in our area. You know, they have an entire institution devoted to pediatric neurology. And that was what we got from the White Tower.
Katy [00:34:04]:
And then, and then we got home and I honestly, I think we had a call with you guys and I remember Brian and I just said, you know, let's let's go ahead and just say we're going to close the door on that. There is no value there for us anymore. We're going to go rogue and we're going to keep doing what we now feel, you know, is, is right for the girls. And, and we kind of haven't gone back to that White Tower sense and.
Cass Arcuri [00:34:31]:
That, that Katie is such a key point for people to listen to because yes, you had this, you know, 10% what you're going after, but you also always trust your intuition and you also knew when it was time to pivot. And I think this is really important for parents to hear because, okay, well, I was told to do this. It's like, well, if you're having internal conflict with, I think I might should look at something else like listen to that internal conflict to be like, you know what? Now is the time to pivot. Because you were really good also at saying, hey, I think I need to do something else. And kind of that pivot piece because this intuition piece is really something that, you know, is your own internal North Star. And so many parents disregard that because they're just listening to X experts. And this is kind of this key piece. Like you are your, as you guys live such beautiful examples.
Cass Arcuri [00:35:28]:
Your, your daughters, like you get to guide them because you are their expert. And so for parents listening, you are your child's expert. And disregarding your intuition only impacts your child negatively because there's a lot of times things that you have to look at from a different perspective to help your unique child or children.
Katy [00:35:52]:
You know, Cass, I'm smiling because that, you know, that is such a nice compliment, but I have to say I learned it from you guys. I mean, you are the, you know, when I, you're the legend in the space of, you know, telling a parent, trust your gut. I mean, Len says that all the time. It was Cass who knew that these instincts, that this was what was right. And I got that sense from, you know, moving through the coaching. It was there and you all supported this feature with such emphasis. I felt more and more confident that I could do that. In addition to, you know, two other themes that I think are in the same, you know, genre that you're talking about.
Katy [00:36:52]:
And that is you can afford to be curious and make a mistake. You can say, hey, let's try something. Okay, it didn't work. We don't have to go back, we don't have to have a follow up appointment. We can say, okay, chalk that one up for experience. So you can also try things you don't have to say everything that I'm doing means I have to see through the very end of that. If you find out that it's not the right fit, okay, you've learned it's not the right fit. And maybe it's just not the right fit.
Katy [00:37:22]:
Now maybe you circle back to it. You know, you gave me so many options to look at, how to navigate, build confidence in myself so that Brian and I could continue to kind of almost half, which is what we developed, you know, through the coaching, was kind of like a checklist. Hey, have I done this? You know, And I would go through a lot of that in order to say, okay, I feel like, you know, we're at a place where this might be an option for us. Let's take a look at it. And then I would deep dive Brian, who would then have questions, and I would go back and dig more. And then we could say, okay, let's give it a shot. Let's try it. And that's how we, you know, explored many, many things.
Katy [00:38:09]:
A lot of that came from, you know, curiosity, which is the piece that you all promote over and over and over again. You have to be curious. And just using the word curious implies that, yes, this is serious business, but you can't take yourself too seriously. Okay? I mean, it is. Let's get curious. What does music therapy look like? What would it be like to, you know, play a curated, very intentional, you know, set of music for my daughter every morning and every evening? And what does that look like? And how do we have fun with that? So, you know, curious is the right word. We had to be curious. And we got that support because we finally had this sort of deep breath that, okay, we were seeing gains.
Katy [00:39:07]:
Let's believe that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And now let's just get curious. And we finally got to that base camp, right? You know, you're like, okay, got it. You know, we're used to the load. We're used to the fact that we have a team of people that have invested in us because we've shown that we're invested in them. I was really, really good at sending pictures of the girls to a lot of people to get them to return my email. And that is very basic, right? You show them a couple cute pics, you've jumped out of the pool of people who are just saying, I need help. You've put a face to it.
Cass Arcuri [00:39:46]:
You know, you shed tears if you need to. That's right.
Katy [00:39:51]:
And, you know, it works.
Cass Arcuri [00:39:54]:
So.
Katy [00:39:54]:
But I appreciate that, you know, you guys are trying to give us credit and honestly trying to give you credit.
Cass Arcuri [00:40:04]:
So you guys also made it fun. Let's be honest. Like, I remember being in your home, but then also being your backyard, and I forget what song it was, but playing music as the girls were jumping on the trampoline and you're getting eye contact, like you had, like, there was fun.
Brian [00:40:23]:
It was pop music, that connection.
Katy [00:40:25]:
Yeah, yeah. You know, we DJed a lot.
Brian [00:40:29]:
They love 70s and 80s music.
Katy [00:40:32]:
Definitely indicative of their parents, I'm sure. But no, we tried to. And I think, you know, how lucky were we to find that there was a way that we could also enrich our lifestyle, that this was an opportunity for us to still be true to ourselves. We just got back from a month in Hawaii, and it became important to us to unplug. We live these really full lives. It's our personal belief that there are just a lot of stressors on us. And we started seeing that we had incredible gains when we would come back from kind of going off the grid. And we started saying, that's an important part of our lifestyle.
Katy [00:41:19]:
And we became more and more serious about it because we started saying, okay, we're going to research what's the water, where we're going, Is there glyphosate? Are they using? Can we get access to our foods? Are there specialists in this area that we want to go that can meet with us and we can learn even more? And we started kind of creating that, even just that, as a way to maintain lifestyle, to feel energized, but to also then not put the needle back, but move it forward on what we were trying to do.
Len Arcuri [00:41:57]:
Wonderful. I'm going back as you were talking earlier about, it does come down to action. Those actions may be hard, but they are also very inconvenient. And I just remember so many calls where you both each in your own way, were signing up to take upon you to do something that was inconvenient or somewhat hard. And again, as Cass mentioned, you did it. You put it into action. Where this is. That's why the coaching is all about helping to remove whatever the friction is that's preventing you from taking.
Len Arcuri [00:42:28]:
The actions that you choose are going to be a fit for your. For your daughters. And because of that, you know, we were able to witness your growth. And again, the whole world's now gotten to witness your daughter's growth. And so I just want to quickly share a little bit, like, what that means, because some people may think okay, coaching calls. We're just sitting there kind of feeling sorry for each other and then hang up and we talk the following week. But we do have a way of measuring where parents are and just sharing. Katie, if you don't mind, I'm going to just share your scores.
Len Arcuri [00:42:56]:
When you started with us, you were 74 out of 100. And our goal is to help parents get to a 75 or higher. So you showed up right on that threshold again. You were obviously ready, willing, had so much going for you. But through the program, ultimately, you increase your score up to an 81 and then to a 92, which is. That's where Cass and I are in awe of helping to see a dynamite parent get even stronger. So that's the transformation. That's what parents can take total control over.
Len Arcuri [00:43:33]:
And simultaneously, your daughters as measured by the atec. And by the way, we'll include a link to the study which documenting hope did a phenomenal job of putting this together. This case study that's out there, and I encourage everyone to read it but your daughters, with respect to the Atex score that measures where they are. They had huge gains where their autism diagnosis was not mild or insignificant, and they both, in their own way, have made huge gains. So go to the study. You can get all the details. But again, this whole conversation is about what's possible when phenomenal. Truly all in parents like Brian and Katie get even more equipped and empowered to make great decisions.
Len Arcuri [00:44:21]:
So again, Cass and I are just beyond thrilled of being able to be in some way part of your story of transformation that I know is ongoing. And again, I just encourage our listeners to read that study and listen to what Brian and Katie shared because we all wrestle with a lot of the same challenges. The key thing here is there's always something you can do to get to a better place.
Katy [00:44:48]:
Yeah, I mean, there's no question that, you know, this was your coaching platform is not weekly calls to, you know, be some kind of sog flog story. I mean, there were definitely, I mean, you know, Len, you know, this is absolutely. Your profession is. Is moving organizations, employees, groups, and now, of course, parents through this process of. Of really improving quality. And that's, you know, they're those calls you get off and you've got homework to do and you have ways in which you go to bed that night thinking, okay, I've always thought this, but, you know, let me open up my aperture just a little and think about what I learned today and how I can wake up and see perhaps a different way of approaching some problem that I have. So there is no question that it is. I don't want to say that it's not comfortable, but it's not supposed to be comfortable the whole time.
Katy [00:45:49]:
You're really supposed to be diving into areas because your goal is to, you know, shine the light in every part of, you know, the tools that you will need to parent at your very best. But I would say also in mentioning documenting hope, how critical that was. Because, you know, we had you all and you all were opening up our understanding of a community that we wanted to know more about, because this community was honestly shining a light in an area of research and understanding and approach that for us was what we were embracing as truly the way to understand what our daughters needs were and then how to support them. So it was, you know, without question, the, you know, so much of our relationship building also was the beginning of, you know, you introducing us to other. There's so many resources that you offered initially in our year's worth. They all, A lot of them came from you. I didn't have the time to research organic mattresses. I just didn't.
Katy [00:47:10]:
I was like, I'm listening to this podcast. I know this is what I need. I'm out there, I'm getting it right.
Brian [00:47:19]:
Dirty electricity, what's that?
Katy [00:47:23]:
Later.
Len Arcuri [00:47:24]:
You took control of that, Brian.
Katy [00:47:26]:
You know, I mean, we, we, we. I don't want to say we took shortcuts, but when we had experts that were coming so highly recommended, it allowed us to move at the speed of trust. We were able to get out there a little quicker because it's a lot. It is a lot. And I'm very empathetic to a parent who's sitting there going, where do I begin? Because it is a lot. And you're literally, you know, I think someone might be listening and saying, what did you give up? Because you guys have crushed it. You know, you've gone next level on focusing on your children. But hey, we all got 24 hours in a day, seven days a week.
Katy [00:48:06]:
What weren't you doing? And there were things that we didn't do. We absolutely made priorities. And, you know, we didn't, we didn't do a lot of things because this takes so much time. So, you know, believe me, we're not saying you can have your cake and eat it too. Gluten free, dairy free, whatever it needs to be. You just, you literally have to say, all right, there are things that we just, we just don't do anymore. And, you know, I know from following the community. Do you eat out? No, we really don't.
Katy [00:48:41]:
Because we can't. Because we really aren't there yet. You know, we can occasionally with a lot of thought, but you know, we, we're not doing it. Um, so that would just be one example of how you, you just have to change your whole life. You know, when we travel, we have a go bag, right? We've got our electrical blockers, got our homeopathy, we've got food. I mean, I, I now know how to work through customs and I have the medical letters that say we have to bring this with us. Right. So, you know, it does take it, it takes on its own sort of Persona.
Katy [00:49:17]:
But given the kind of results that we've had and how exciting it is to see two people in our lives who are thriving, you know, you're like, I'll do anything.
Cass Arcuri [00:49:30]:
There's one. I just want to call out because the other amazing thing was being able to help introduce you to some people. And I just do want to call out Patty, Patty Lemmer, because she did Patty's book, Outsmarting Autism for all the listeners. If you don't have that book, Patti, I mean, she put her heart and soul into this. But Patti was also such a great knowing. She's a wonderful human that Lena and I have connected with on such a deep level. And there's some families like when you connect them, it's just magic. And I know she was really awe of your twins and she was a big resource, absolutely.
Katy [00:50:10]:
Very foundational and instrumental. And it came, she came to us because of you. Send out a book package to all of your new members. And one of the books is her book Outsmarting Autism. And now I. It is one of my proudest parts of my library. It is so dog eared, it is so highlighted. There are so many flags on it.
Katy [00:50:31]:
You know, I'm, I really, you know, she came and visited us. I think I had her sign it. That's. How did you.
Cass Arcuri [00:50:37]:
I love that. And she would have loved that too.
Katy [00:50:40]:
I know, I know.
Brian [00:50:42]:
Well, she. And the other thing is, you know, it, it's the net, it's the nodes in the network. Right. And so Patti is, she's a particularly. She's a particular node who's got all this connective tissue to a bunch of other practitioners, some of, some of whom we were lucky enough to, to work with. And they all know each other and they all share what for us has been a more, I think, a truer version of thinking about what heals children. And so it really was a gift. Patti was via the two of you.
Brian [00:51:27]:
Getting to know Patti and getting to know some of the people in her network, that helped us quite a bit, was. Was a true gift. And I think, I guess the other thing is you can put things into action, but this is truly, you know, you after dealing with your own, conquering your own fears about this and then making sure as a couple that Katie and I were solid and it. We truly needed the network, the power of the network. And so we were, you know, we were somewhat ruthless until we had all the nodes that we. We felt we should have. But that's available to everybody else too. So thank you for that.
Brian [00:52:09]:
And. And we can't thank Patty enough for. For what she's done.
Cass Arcuri [00:52:14]:
I think it's interesting that our children's disconnection just re. You know, shows us the importance of connection.
Katy [00:52:21]:
Right.
Cass Arcuri [00:52:21]:
And this is where you're connect, you know, and this is my connection network now versus what it was before Rise Diagnosis is very different, but it's amazing how you can just kind of. What is that? You know, that connection piece that can kind of help everyone kind of move forward to where they're meant to go. So, no, I just. It's been, like I said, it's been such an honor to walk with you all and just know your family and just love your family and keep those pictures of the girls coming because they're just magical, truly magical girls.
Katy [00:52:57]:
Thank you so much.
Len Arcuri [00:52:58]:
It's very easy for parents to just go out alone and kind of do things in isolation. So, so much of what you both touched on, right, is the power of connection, the power of community, having the team in place that, you know, is everyone's aligned, working towards the same goals. And you did that. You curated a great team and. And someone like Patty as an advisor was extremely useful. Documenting Hope, Beth Lambert, everything they're doing, the webinars they do, the conference they have each year. I mean, there's so much out there to leverage and benefit from. So, again, you were a phenomenal case study of people who didn't do it alone.
Len Arcuri [00:53:37]:
Reached out for support, assembled this team, and again, everybody benefits. So, you know, we could talk for hours about so many nuances and retracing so many of the key learnings. But I really appreciate you both coming here to share this with other parents because it will only benefit anyone listening on them making great decisions in their own personal journey to support their child 100%.
Katy [00:54:04]:
Right. And, you know, just because I have to put this footnote in we found out about documenting Hope and the Chirp because of you guys. So I mean, it's going to sound like a paid testimonial. I'm just going to say it all the time. You know, it was, you guys were at the very center of that, as Brian was saying, you know, nodes and, and spokes and, and you know, I, I, we applied for the Chirp. It took me honestly like 4 hours to complete those documents and we didn't get in. But you know, you guys were encouraging. I followed along, added that to our toolbox and they offer an incredible platform.
Katy [00:54:42]:
But again, I only learned about it because of you guys.
Cass Arcuri [00:54:45]:
Hey, I love connecting things is one of my favorite things to do. It's just kind of fun. But you know, look at what all these connections have done for you guys, right? And that's, that's all that matters truly here.
Katy [00:54:58]:
Well, we can end on the goodness of, you know, these two incredible bright lights that we have and all the fun that comes with four year olds who are part time game show hosts because you can't we look for the on off button or at least a volume control. Can't find it. The creativity, the eagerness to do new things, to go new places and also then begin to really see that their journey is going to be a great one and they're gonna continue to evolve. We are seasoned parents. We're still supporting all of our kids in some way. I mean, everyone needs a little support. But the fact that they're gonna live incredibly full, rich and you know, special.
Cass Arcuri [00:55:55]:
Lives or we're thrilled and I think Katie, you know, one way, I always love to they now get to share their gifts to the world in a way that the world will be able to really, you know, take them, which is what, you know, they've shined their light on all of us. But just think about what they get to do to humanity, which is so beautiful.
Len Arcuri [00:56:15]:
No, it's absolutely beautiful. And again, you set the stage because you're both all in parents who became even more all in to the benefit of your entire family, including your beautiful girls. So again, thank you so much for sharing this story. We are so just wishing your family continued success, love and connection. And thank you so much again for everything that you're doing.
Katy [00:56:37]:
Oh, it's our pleasure. Happy to be in your company right now.
Len Arcuri [00:56:43]:
Your child wants you to transform now and the fastest way to do that is with personalized support. To learn more, go to allinparentcoaching.com intensive.
