Episode 284 — You DON’T Have To Carry It All
Date: December 4, 2025
Episode Overview
Parents often believe they need to carry the weight of this journey alone — but that belief slows progress more than anything else. In this solo episode, Len reveals the three hidden traps that keep parents stuck and why embracing support transforms everything.
You’ll Discover
Why Lowering Your Expectations Quietly Slows Progress (1:05)
The Hidden Trap Of “Lesser Goals” And How It Shows Up (2:10)
How The Caddy Analogy Reveals What Parents Are Missing (3:45)
The Hypocrisy Trap And Why Alignment Changes Everything (5:00)
What Happened In The Twins Study And Why It Matters For Your Family (9:45)
Referenced in This Episode
Full Transcript
Len Arcuri [00:00:00]:
Your child doesn't need you to shrink your vision. Your child actually needs you to expand it. Because when you allow yourself to want more for your child, unapologetically, your thinking sharpens and your priorities simplify and your energy rises and suddenly the lesser paths become obviously not enough.
Len Arcuri [00:00:22]:
If you're a parent of a child with autism, you are being called to rise with love, courage, and clarity. This journey isn't easy, and most parents aren't equipped, but you can be. This podcast is your invitation to rise higher, because how you navigate matters. I'm Len, and this is Autism Parenting Secrets, where you become the parent your child needs now.
Len Arcuri [00:00:48]:
Welcome to Autism Parenting Secrets. It's Len. And if you've listened to the show for a while, you've probably noticed something. I talk a lot about personalized support. I mention it at the end of every episode, and in most of the conversations with guests, it does come up. And that's because it is truly the missing link for so many parents on this journey. And I'll be honest that for years, I didn't think I needed personalized support. But that version of me, the one who thought I could muscle through everything alone, stuck around far longer than he needed to, and it made everything harder.
Len Arcuri [00:01:29]:
So today, I want to make something crystal clear. Because when you understand this one shift, everything gets better. The secret this week is you don't have to carry it all. So let's get into it. Before we go any further, I want to name something that almost nobody says out loud, but I think just about every parent feels, I know I did. A huge reason that progress feels slow is most parents, quietly, especially over time, lower their sights not because they don't love their child, but because they're afraid of getting their hopes up. When the journey feels overwhelming, when you're constantly putting out fires, and when you're just really stretched thin and second guessing yourself, it becomes easier to choose goals that feel safe and reasonable and realistic. Many people will tell you to be realistic, but here's the truth that most parents never realize.
Len Arcuri [00:02:37]:
We're not kept from big outcomes for ourself or our child by big obstacles. We're kept from those big outcomes that we're wanting. We're really kept from them by the clear, comfortable paths to lesser goals. The path where no one questions you because you're doing what's expected. Or the path where disappointment will feel less painful. The paths where the stakes are lower. Those paths, they may seem reasonable, but they rarely move the needle. So I guess the key message is that your child doesn't need you to shrink your vision.
Len Arcuri [00:03:20]:
Your child actually needs you to expand it. Because when you allow yourself to want more for your child, unapologetically, your thinking sharpens and your priorities simplify and your energy rises and suddenly the lesser paths become obviously not enough. Not to get you where you want to go. Not to get you where you want your child to go. And that brings us to the first trap that I've identified of many on this journey. It's the lesser goals trap, choosing goals that are comfortable instead of goals that bring meaningful change.
Len Arcuri [00:04:03]:
Now, once you see that first trap of focusing on lesser goals, the next question becomes, okay, so how can I actually pursue the bigger, meaningful ones? How do you show up as the parent that your child needs today? And that's where I have an analogy for you. It's a golf analogy. So I want you to picture golf for a moment. Most of you probably don't play golf actively, and that's okay. I don't golf at all. But the analogy still works. A golfer can go it alone. They can carry their own bag.
Len Arcuri [00:04:35]:
They can make every decision unilaterally, with no input from anybody else. But the best golfers in the world, they all have a caddy. And why is that? It's because a caddy lightens the load, physically and mentally, so the golfer can show up sharper, calmer, clearer. And a caddy doesn't swing the club. They don't take the shot. They help the golfer see what they would never see alone. The wind, the slope, the alignment hazards. They help them get a clearer picture of the moment.
Len Arcuri [00:05:16]:
So what a great caddy provides is powerful, enhanced awareness, useful insights, helpful questions, and a trusted partner who has the golfer's best interest in mind. And here's the Most parents today are trying to play the hardest course of their life with no one supporting them when they need it the most. There's no one helping them lighten their load. And once you see that, you realize that there's a second trap almost every parent falls into. And it's what I would call the hypocrisy trap. And I fell into all these, by the way. So the hypocrisy trap sounds like this. It would be me saying, I'm all in, but yet I avoid inconvenient actions or the hard conversations that need to be had, or I want to be the best parent I can be, but I'm not doing the inner work to confront my blind spots or shift the habits that keep me stuck.
Len Arcuri [00:06:23]:
It also includes saying something like that my child deserves the best, but yet I'm allowing myself to run on fumes. And then there's the hardest one, at least for me, the one that weighed so heavily on me when I finally admitted it. I said to myself and to others that I loved my son rai unconditionally. Yet the way I was showing up, my tone, the tension in my face, my disappointment, my aggravation, my frustration, none of that felt like love to him. And that's because I was in love with the child I wanted him to be, not the child that was in front of me. And when I changed that feeling of judgment inside myself and actually began to convey sincere, unconditional love for him as he was, our bond grew tenfold. And just as a side note, it was really eye opening for me that I could go big on my hopes and vision for my son. As I said before, unapologetically wanting more for him, while at the same time operating from a place of pure acceptance for him as he was and even now as he is now, having a bold vision and wanting more isn't opposing you.
Len Arcuri [00:07:54]:
Accepting your child as they are. You can do both at the same time. And I can't tell you how many people, parents I've talked to, who feel like unconditional love and acceptance for their child is giving up. It is not acceptance. Yes. And then bring your best self forward to take actions that meet your child where they are and help them thrive. You can absolutely do both. So this is another trap, a second trap.
Len Arcuri [00:08:26]:
The gap between where you want to be and how you're actually showing up. And closing that gap is one of the biggest unlocks on this journey. So underneath both of these traps is the same root, parent disempowerment. It's the overwhelm, the indecision, the confusion, hesitation, constant second guessing. And that's the part I've devoted my life to solving. And ever since my first autism conference in 2009, one question has consumed me. How do I rapidly grow into the aligned, decisive, all in parent my child needs today? That question changed my life. And that's what I'm devoted to helping other parents do rapidly.
Len Arcuri [00:09:14]:
And I know it's a cliche, but I've spent well over 10,000 hours, probably closer to double that, 20,000 hours, thinking about this problem, trying to solve it, studying, experimenting, learning from hundreds of experts, walking alongside parents through some of the hardest moments of their lives. And for the last five, over five years, actively, I've coached families, parents, one on one, sometimes just a mom Or a dad, sometimes both mom and dad together. And in serving them, I've tried everything. Do it yourself courses, membership communities, group coaching programs, workshops. And after all that, here's what I've learned. Those can all be helpful. But nothing moves the needle faster than personalized, real time, one on one support. Because just like every child is unique and there's a unique combination that's going to unlock their full potential, every parent is unique as well.
Len Arcuri [00:10:14]:
And the key that unlocks your best self is going to be wildly different than some other parents. And when a parent raises their hand for personalized support, here's what happens. Within one week, your blind spots jump into view. They are revealed, and you see exactly where your power has been slipping. You feel noticeably lighter. And for the first time in a long time, things start making sense. And within a few weeks, just a few weeks, your child's strategy becomes clear. You drop what doesn't matter, you double down on what does.
Len Arcuri [00:10:50]:
Your decisions sharpen and momentum builds. And one of the strongest examples of that was published about a year and a half ago in the Journal of Personalized Medicine. And it was a case report on twin girls with autism who made amazing progress and whose parents had tried dozens of interventions. And in that report and in their episode on this podcast, those parents shared that this exact coaching program was the catalyst that changed everything. And it didn't replace what they were doing. It helped them finally lead more confidently and more effectively. What I would call heightened leadership. And that's one story among many.
Len Arcuri [00:11:36]:
I have dozens and dozens of parents who've experienced that same acceleration. And these kids are benefiting significantly. So, bottom line, this work works and the results speak loudly. And now, just to shift to the fact that we're in a very different era, the era of artificial intelligence, AI is powerful, incredibly powerful, but it can't make decisions for your child because AI doesn't change who you are. It amplifies who you are. So if you're drifting, you'll drift faster. And if you're aligned, it can help you accelerate. But after doing this work for so many years, I noticed that parents tend to fall into one of two categories.
Len Arcuri [00:12:22]:
And the vast majority are in this first category, the drifting parent. The parent who's reactive, definitely overwhelmed, unfocused, moving fast in a number of directions, many possibly the wrong direction. And the drifting parent is where most of us start off. That's definitely where I was. But there's a smaller group of parents who are the decisive parent. They are super aware they have alignment with what they're doing and where they want to go. They're very discerning. They're not throwing the kitchen sink at their child.
Len Arcuri [00:12:55]:
They're choosing very carefully what makes the most sense for their child. And they're able to take bold action and course correct quickly. So this is the third trap, the drifting trap. And if you're drifting, it's not because you're lazy. It's because you're overloaded, isolated, and just carrying too much alone.
Len [00:13:14]:
To benefit from AI, you really have.
Len Arcuri [00:13:16]:
To become a parent who uses it well, who structures prompts, clearly provides real context, asks better questions, and who never outsources decision making. So your child doesn't need AI to replace your intuition. That is your greatest gift. But they do need you to become version 2.0, a more discerning, more grounded, more aligned parent. And your current version, version 1.0 isn't bad or wrong. It's simply your current programming and it just wasn't built for this world. Version 2.0 is. And that's where personalized support is what upgrades you to version 2.0 fast.
Len Arcuri [00:13:59]:
And this episode is being released during the holidays, right after Thanksgiving. And the holidays are a lot. Schedules are messy, stress is usually much higher, family dynamics get really complicated. And your child feeds off that energy, every ounce of it. And that's exactly why this is the best time to get support. Just know that you will never feel ready. Life will never magically settle down when things get chaotic. And they will.
Len Arcuri [00:14:29]:
Wouldn't you want somebody walking with you, helping you to stay aligned, helping you to bring your best self forward when your child needs it the most? That's why for the next three weeks, I'm removing every barrier to this coaching program, the all in parent accelerator. No long term commitment, nothing locked in, a faster way to start. And I'll make it risk free for anyone who raises their hand and allows personalized support. Now just go to elevatehowyounavigate.com, apply there. Step in and you will rapidly feel what personalized support actually feels like. There will never be an easier or more supported way for you to begin than right now. And if you're ever going to do it, do it now. Why wait if something in you is stirring right now? Trust that this isn't random.
Len Arcuri [00:15:23]:
This is your clarity speaking. Your best move now is to avoid these traps, the lesser goals trap, the hypocrisy trap and the drifting trap, and get fully supported. I really urge you, don't wait years like I did. Don't keep trying to carry this alone. Your child can't afford for you to stay in version 1.0, but you can rise faster than you think. But not by doing it alone. So here's your next step. Go to elevatehowyounavigate.com or if you prefer, email me directly at [email protected] it takes just a few minutes.
Len Arcuri [00:16:02]:
The free Clarity call itself will be incredibly useful, and if personalized support is a fit, we start right away. Because there's a cost to waiting, there's a cost to drifting, and there's a cost to figure this out all on your own. And there's also a moment, a real one, when a parent decides to stop drifting and step into the decisive, aligned version 2.0 self their child needs now. And that moment for you could be right now if you let it be. So here it is, as simple as I can make it. Go to elevatehowyounavigate.com and schedule the call. One call is all it takes to start your transformation.
Len [00:16:44]:
Your child needs you running on all cylinders now, and the fastest way to rise is with personal personalized one on one support. Get started today. Go to elevatehowyunavigate.com.
